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12 Things Every Bar Staff Graduate Knows Too Well

Working behind a bar has almost become a rite-of-passage. 

If you end up on this path after uni, you’ll learn to understand the following.

1. On a good day, an hour’s work in tips can equate to double what you actually earn.

God bless the regulars, may you stand at the bar and drink Becks forever.

Give me your money

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2. You’re the poorest one in your group of friends, and on the other side of the bar you’re always the one who has to ask “what’s your cheapest, strongest drink?”

I’ll take your suggestion for drinks at that trendy new cocktail bar in Soho, and raise you a Spoons… no?

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3. You are not ashamed to pick at people’s leftover chips.

I think you've had quite enough of that for now thankyou

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4. The word ‘routine’ has lost all meaning.

Bedtime is at 3 in the morning, Lunch is a tub of peanuts at 4pm, Dinner a reduced sushi snack pack from Tesco at 11pm, and your afternoon snack is all day, every day.

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5. You have a whole new bunch of friends, most of who are 55-year-old men.

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6. You are slowly, but surely on the way to becoming an alcoholic. Half pint after work? Be rude not to.

Cheers to that

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7. You constantly find yourself questioning your life choices so far.

You’re a well-educated individual. You’ve got an upper class honors degree for Christ’s sake! Yet here you are, scraping mayonnaise off your hands, on a Friday night.

iwantyourlahv.tumblr.com

iwantyourlahv.tumblr.com

8. You’re all pumped up to go out when nobody else is.

Tuesday night might be the new Friday for you, but being the normal people they are, doing the normal jobs they do – all your mates have work tomorrow. They will be going out in the time designated for such frivolities – at the weekend. Unlike you. You’ll be polishing forks.

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9. You’ve got a seriously impressive memory.

3 Heineken, 2 Becks, 2 vodka tonics (one with slimline), three lime and sodas, sambuca shot, tequila, and a small white wine? You got it. Oh, and you just remembered that you want a Guinness as well? Go to hell.

God i'm good

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10. The coffee machine is your nemesis.

You ordered a cappuccino, but what you’ll actually be getting is a cup of coffee with some frothy milk scooped out from the jug floating on top. I work at the pub not Starbucks.

Not going to happen

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11. The pressure to impress gets to you whenever someone ridiculously attractive comes to the bar.

You attempt witty banter, you fail, make awkward small talk and probably end up pouring them the wrong drink.

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12. There’s always that one customer who complains about everything.

Not enough ice in her drink, enough head on his beer, that ‘this isn’t diet coke’, or the worst of all: moaning about not being served fast enough.

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