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5 Things That Were Fun as a Student But are Depressing Now You’re a Graduate

Life. Why must it taunt us so?

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1. Poverty

As a student, having to live off a fiver a week until loan day/pay day/grandparents visiting day was a fun challenge, something to update your Facebook status about and make you feel like you were really living the ‘penniless student’ dream. As a 24-year-old graduate, it is somewhat less of an exciting adventure and somewhat more a bleak reality. Having no heating as a student equates to drinking more to keep warm and having a house cuddle on the settee. As an adult, the only warmth in your life are the tears that fall down your face as you shampoo your hair in your freezing cold shower with something akin to coconut scented slush puppy.

2. Pointless Skills

At university, you were hailed a legend, people knew you as ‘that girl who can down ten pints in less than a minute’ or ‘that guy who can get into the lecture room through the top window and mess with all the slides’. Now you’re a twenty-something who boasts countless unmarketable skills and earns zero respect (or God forbid, money) for putting them into practice. Instead, you spend your nights tying 20 cherry stalks in knots with your tongue and checking your e-mails for job application responses. They continue to be fruitless.

3. Mould

The best thing to have at university is a housemate who invites their obsessively clean parent in for a cup of tea when they drop them off after the holidays. Before the kettle has even boiled, the fridge will be clean, the bag of fruit that someone optimistically bought, used one lemon and one orange for a questionable punch bowl and then left to fester for four weeks gets removed, and the odd scent that has been lingering in the kitchen for months suddenly disappears. Unfortunately, parents are less inclined to do this when you have your own real house and discovering a giant ball of mould of unknown provenance on your bookcase suddenly makes you recoil with shame and disgust. Worst of all, you can’t even gross-brag to your friends about how disgusting it was to dispose of as you refuse to tell anyone about this should you give off the impression that you are ‘not coping with adulthood’.

4. One Night Stands

When the walk of shame becomes the bus to work, it really loses its magic.

5. 90s Themed Club Nights

90s club nights are the bread and butter of university night life. You can always depend on Spice Girls fancy dress and S Club 7 dance routines to get you out of a sour mood and force you to remember that you are young and alive and all you need is Sambuca and Savage Garden. In dramatic contrast, these very same club nights are the nights that make you feel old and past it once you have graduated, leaving you feeling suddenly out of place and unwelcome. You shuffle your feet awkwardly and wonder how all these people know the words to your songs despite surely having only been born a year before the Spice Girls disbanded.

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