The 12 Emotional Stages of Student Loan Day
Money is great. Free (sort of) money from the government is even greater.
Loan day is full of emotion:
Seeing every other student’s compulsory status boasting about their new found fortune is making you miserable, and also a little concerned to the whereabouts of your promised settlement, until that moment when the good news arrives and you’re left almost speechless.
Seeing thousands of pounds in your account instead of the usual depressing minus sign seems overwhelming at first. It feels good to not be reminded of how badly into your overdraft you once were, and now it’s time to make some poor purchase decisions all over again.
A large weight has been lifted and checking your bank account no longer fills you with dread.
What’s the point in having loads of money if you can’t spend it on the things you like, right? That sweet sum has now easily justified buying all of your beloved luxuries that you grudgingly lived too long without.
Thinking about all the new clothes you can buy is probably one of the more sensible uses of your loan – among other things. No longer will you have to desperately try to capture that Topshop/Topman look at Primark prices.
After going weeks of scanning the aisles for special offers and developing a keen eye for items with reduced stickers smacked on them, the thought of bringing back enough food to stock an empty warehouse is almost too much to take in.
There is now completely no excuse for why you and your uni mates should not proudly represent your university in your most dignified drunken state. It’s time to let loose and rediscover your neglected inner party animal.
OK, so you’re fed up of trying to kid yourself that your own home-cooked and inexpensive food tastes better than any greasy takeaway could, so… uh, anyone want to order in tonight?
There’s only so many times you can convince yourself that the infamous value range vodka is even tolerable for pre-drinks. It’s just not worth it. Why not treat yourself to the real brands you deserve?
It might have been a gruelling few weeks of cancelling your Spotify and Netflix subscriptions – you might even liken it to the despair suffered during a heartbreak – but that’s all changed thanks to those generous geezers responsible for your loan.
Sometimes it’s a little worrying how much of an effect a load of money can have your mood.
“No more anxiety for this guy, I’m happy with life right now”
Unfortunately, after all of those happy thoughts, it does eventually dawn on you that that a significant amount of the loan does actually need to go towards providing a roof over your head. It’s a soul crushing fact.
Enjoy it while it lasts.