20 All Too Familiar Stages of Going Home at The End of a Uni Night Out
Because the night doesn’t end when you leave the club.
1. It starts off with a frenzied dash for food. Any kind of food.
Kebab, pizza, chicken, chips and gravy = ❤️
2. Followed by an argument about whether you should walk home or just Uber it.
Somehow the Uber always wins.
3. And then a lot of stumbling around trying to find the right one.
Why are they all silver Skodas?
4. Someone will inevitably disappear just as the taxi turns up.
Leading to absolute panic.
5. And will usually be found having some kind of existential crisis on the phone to their ex.
6. You spend the entire journey regretting the chicken you just inhaled.
7. And trying to make sure your friend doesn’t get thrown out of the taxi.
8. You arrive home and gain a sudden appreciation for water.
9. While someone manages to sneak another road sign into the house.
Something none of you will remember in the morning.
10. You try to be quiet so as not to wake up anyone who didn’t come out with you, but end up making more noise than ever.
11. And put your pyjamas on with the intention of going to bed, but end up getting a second wind.
“I don’t need to sleep yet. I’ll be fine in that 9am tomorrow…”
12. Another drink suddenly seems like a great idea.
13. And you’re hungry again even though you only just ate all those chips.
Cue eating dry toast on the kitchen floor because you have no other food.
14. Someone puts music on and weird dancing ensues.
15. While someone else gets pranked.
16. And you have the deepest, most heartfelt conversations of your life.
17. You eventually realise it’s starting to get light outside.
18. And finally decide to give in and go to bed.
19. Only for ~the spin~ to hit you and keep you awake.
“Am I going to be sick or…?”