78 Things That Happen On The Day You Move To University
Nobody has any chill.
1. You wonder how you’re going to jenga your entire life into the car.
2. Your mum repeatedly asks you if you’ve forgotten anything.
3. You haven’t.
4. You then have to jenga yourself into the back seat of the car.
5. Finally you’re on your way and you can’t wait to get there.
6. You spend the entire journey with your face pressed up against the window. It’s uncomfortable.
7. But not as uncomfortable as your parents talking about your first day of school. Which is what’s happening in the front of the car.
8. You realise you’ve forgotten something.
9. Your mum worries.
10. It’s too late to go back home for it.
11. You get mad and blame it on your parents.
12. Stress levels rise.
13. You get lost.
14. Your parents argue about it.
15. You briefly consider throwing yourself out of a moving vehicle.
16. You finally get to the uni but manage to get lost there too.
17. You see another packed car with someone’s face pressed against the window and wonder whether they’ll be your new best friend.
18. Your dad drives the car somewhere on campus you’re pretty sure isn’t allowed.
19. Someone directs you to where you’re supposed to be.
20. You’ve never been so relieved yet so nervous in your life.
21. You meet your halls rep and start unloading the car.
22. Your dad ruins your life.
23. Someone introduces themselves to you while you’re carrying something heavy.
24. You try to play it cool and act like you aren’t weak AF.
25. A “fresher helper” asks if you need a hand. They regret it when you leave everything to them.
26. You see a guy in crocs.
27. You worry about your choice of uni.
28. You get your key for your room and start to feel a bit sick.
29. Your room doesn’t look like the photo in the prospectus.
30. Once everything is in your room, everyone awkwardly congregates in the shared kitchen.
31. Some of the kitchen cupboards are already taken. You act cool with it.
32. Your parents introduce themselves to your flatmates who you haven’t even spoken to yet.
33. It is very painful.
34. You make strained conversation with someone putting their cutlery in the draw next to yours.
35. You suggest to your parents that it’s time to go food shopping now.
36. One of your parents says “do you want me to show you how the oven works before we go?” IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
37. You eventually escape the pain that is standing in the kitchen.
38. Your parents say “he seemed nice” about someone who absolutely did not seem “nice”.
39. You have the best food shopping experience of your life.
40. Your mum suggests you don’t need something you’ve asked for at the shop.
41. You snap at her.
42. You get the thing.
43. Your parents make a comment about how you mustn’t drink too much.
44. You get annoyed.
45. They cry again because you’re mad again on this special day.
46. Your dad points out how generous they are being buying you all these things for your first week.
47. You pay and leave.
48. You get back to halls and unload the shopping in your new, assigned kitchen cupboard.
49. You have marked your territory.
50. Your parents say “So do you want to go out for a meal or do you want us to get off?”
51. You say “yeah just go”
52. They cry again.
53. You are forced to hug your parents in front of strangers.
54. They leave and then it suddenly hits you that now you have to survive on your own without dying.
55. You watch the car drive away because you’re dramatic like that.
56. But you don’t let anyone see you do so because first impressions are important and you’re cool.
57. A group of students come to your floor and say “we’re walking around introducing ourselves to everyone, want to join us?”
58. You follow them awkwardly.
59. You get introduced to the halls CREEP.
60. You bump into someone you recognise from a Facebook group and it’s even worse.
61. You start to realise you have nothing in common with any of the people you have met so far.
62. You go to your room and leave the door open because you are “social”.
63. You play non-controversial music at a non-controversial volume because you are “approachable”.
64. Finally someone suggests pre-drinking.
65. Everyone sits in the kitchen sipping alcohol and talking about A-Levels.
66. You big it up on Snapchat.
67. No one minds what music everyone listens to.
68. You don’t know what to do when you make eye contact except put more alcohol in your mouth.
69. Someone tries to give themselves a nickname they think is cool but is actually shit.
70. You make a mental note that you are not mates.
71. Some lad does a poo in your toilet because YOU ONLY FRESHER ONCE.
72. You haven’t even done a poo in it yet. You resent them for this for the rest of the year.
73. Someone goes to bed and everyone has that look on their face like “omg”.
74. The rest of you get ready to go out.
75. Your freshers rep tells you it’s time to leave.
76. You down your drink and wonder why you have to leave so early.
77. You have your first ever uni night out experience.