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14 Ways To Immediately Identify a Student House

By deciding to rent a house in your second year, you might believe that you are entering the realm of adulthood and finally starting to grow up. But student-ville is in fact very different to adult-ville.

And in the same way, the houses have some very defining characteristics which set them apart from ‘normal’ houses.

1. Domino’s boxes are spilling out of the recycling bin

The tomato sauce counts as one of your 5-a-day right?

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2. There’s a bicycle chained to the front fence/gate/gutter

Students are too poor for their own car. And there’s no drink-drive law for bicycles either. Win!

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3. Inside feels like an igloo

Poor insulation coupled with a dodgy boiler means temperatures are at sub-zero even in the summer.

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4. Nothing works

Nothing at all. The boiler is broken (which is why temperatures are normally glacial at best); turning on the oven means you singe off your eyebrows (as you attempt to stretch to the back to light it with a match); and 80% of light bulbs had blown before you’d even moved in.

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5. It is impossible to get up from the sofas

So many generations of students have used them that they sink almost to the floor. Described as ‘squidgy’ by estate agents, they are actually pretty comfortable but standing up is not an elegant affair.

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6. There is probably no television

There’s no way you can afford the licence. iPlayer and Netflix (if you are lucky) will have to do.

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7. A general layer of dirt covers everything

Either someone has been murdered or violently sick… but however those mysterious stains got there, you just don’t want to know. Don’t even ask.

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8. The bathroom is tastefully decorated with mould

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9. The furniture does not match

Student houses are the dumping grounds of landlords where they put all their slightly unloved furniture together.

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10. There’s nowhere to eat a meal

In an effort to cram in as many students as possible, you will be lucky if you have a living room, let alone a dining room. So your choices for eating are either in bed, on your lap or standing at a work surface.

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11. The garden closely resembles a jungle

Who knows what creatures are lurking? Best not to find out really.

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12. Every door has its own lock

It’s not clear whether it’s to keep your belongings in or unwanted people out. Either way, it works well.

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13. There is at least one bedroom downstairs

Unlucky you, if you draw this particularly short straw…welcome to the world of the unpaid butler.

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14. Bottles take over every kitchen surface

Student living definitely takes the phrase ‘liquid lunch’ to a new level.

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And you probably pay more than you can afford for it.

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