20 Heartbreaking Ways Your Life Will Change After Moving Home From Uni
Living in your student flat had its downsides: no heating, no food, constantly sticky surfaces… but it was the land where freedom reigned.
However, you should savour its every square centimetre because when you leave uni and end up jobless and prospect-less like the rest of us you’ll have to readjust to sharing a home with people who definitely don’t agree with how you live your life.
You have all this to look forward to…
1. The rude awakening at 8am won’t be from your flatmate bulldozing through your door still drunk, but from a parent parading flamboyantly into your room.
They’ll throw open your curtains, and demand you get up to ‘make the most of the day’. No.
2. You can’t have breakfast in peace.
You just want to watch Everybody Loves Raymond or Jeremy Kyle and get to grips with the morning… not be harassed for an hour-by-hour itinerary of what you plan to do with your day.
3. And every day starts with the question, “so when are you getting a job?”
4. Not to mention the question, “do you plan on getting dressed today?”
What would be the purpose of me getting out of my pyjamas? I have nowhere to go…
5. You MUST have dinner when the other people in your house have dinner.
Apparently it’s not acceptable to make yourself a pasta bake and eat the entire thing from the casserole dish.
6. If you arrange to go to the pub with your friends at 9pm on a Wednesday you will be looked at with horror and disbelief.
“Youre going out… at 9?! On a Wednesday?? Will the pub not be emptying at 9? How are you getting home? Don’t expect I’ll be picking you up.”
7. Then you get a text at 11.30, asking how you’re getting home and if you want picked up.
8. Your 3am stumble into the house doesn’t go unnoticed, and it isn’t considered funny.
You kick your heels at the wall as you walk in, drop your bag and all it’s contents scatter, knock over the clothes horse… In uni no one batted an eyelid, you’re all on the same page. But here, you encounter dad-come-hulk demanding you to get to bed, he has work in the morning, and you’re a disgrace.
9. You can’t just be a complete slug when you have a hangover.
The normal protocol is: trudge to your flatmates bedroom about 11am, put on a boxset, lie immobile until you gather the strength to get some food, eat this in bed. Your shoes are still at the front door, your hangbag contents are strewn throughout the hallway, and this is completely acceptable. But not anymore…
10. At home, dream on. You are ordered to get up immediately.
You’re not getting a takeaway for dinner and instead are likely forced to drag your weary corpse to some kind of family get together where you’re thrown daggers all day for being unsociable and dozing off.
11. Every time you enter your house, you’re asked a minimum of 18 questions about where you’ve been and who you’ve been with.
And you wouldn’t think it would be SO annoying.
12. Suddenly, you are informed that parenthood has now become a paid role, and you’re being charged to live in your own house.
Excuse me, rent? That is my bedroom upstairs, this is not a hotel! Or if it is, is there a guest book in the lobby? I have some stern feedback for the owners of this establishment.
13. Your dad becomes that guy in the mafia who’s in charge of all the money dealings.
You feel uneasy whenever you spend money. You know you’ll get caught. You have no money to pay them the rent they demand, but somehow Asos packages keep arriving at the door with your name on them…
14. You have to wash dishes immediately after dinner.
Give. Me. A minute.
15. Bringing back someone after a night out is a much worse decision than it ever is when you lived alone.
Normally you’re just embarrassed and skuttle them out the door. Now, a lot more than your dignity is at stake. You fire out of bed in a cold, sweaty panic when you realise what you’ve done. Sneaking them out without your parents knowing becomes a military operation. Doomed.
16. After parties are not thought of favourably.
At uni, 3am is always too early to go home, so you invite anyone and everyone back to keep drinking… You are most definitely going to regret that at home.
17. You end up having a lot of alone time during the day.
At uni, you were always surrounded by hoards of friends. But the ones that live at home all have jobs…
18. You’ll start getting into really dull programmes that you watch with your parents.
“Mum, remember to record Downton Abbey for me, I’m going to miss it tonight!”
19. You’ll definitely put on weight as you’re not used to having so much food at your fingertips.
It’s like the fridge replenishes itself by magic…
20. You’ll lose your cool 3-4 times a day and announce you are leaving at once.
But they know you’re bluffing. It’s like when you were 5 and tried to run away. You have no where else to go, no money, and you’ll be back by tea time.
Suck it up. You get 3 meals a day, your washing done, and your socks don’t stick to the floor. It could definitely be worse…