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7 Ways Going To a Music Festival Will Make You Feel Old

Ageing is a sad thing, yet something everyone must face – a fact particularly unavoidable to all recent graduates. Our lifestyle, which previously revolved around being an unhygienic slob and avoiding all responsibility, is suddenly no longer acceptable, forcing us into maturity.

Therefore, it isn’t entirely shocking that during the summer following your departure from that smelly bliss, you try to hold onto your youth with nights out and, of course, festivals.

Festivals are one of the best things about summer and are always a main source of excitement. The weekend promises short shorts, flirting escapades, all-nighters and mosh pits… Or so it did when you were 18 and didn’t solely depend on warmth and good food for happiness.

Now however, as your wrinkles set, the weekend only reminds you that your youth is not just running out – it’s basically dead. Here are just a few ways festivals will force you to start thinking about a pension plan…

1. You’d rather wear 15 layers than rock festival fashion.

When you were young and in your prime, the idea of wearing layers at a festival was preposterous. In fact, anything more than hotpants and a crop top was the talk of a madman. Somehow, the vast amount of alcohol created a magical barrier between your skin and the cold.

Now that you’re old and – let’s face it – past it, you sit outside your tent wearing all the clothes you brought with you, still shivering and tutting at all the bum cheeks that walk past you. Have they no shame?!

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2. The signs that say £4.80 for a drink token give you heart palpitations.

While the youths all pull out their student loans and pocket money (oh god, how much do you miss pocket money!?) to buy 10 tokens a day without even blinking, you sit there sobering up because you’d rather spend what’s left of your overdraft (that large £10) on food at tesco (because fast food only makes you ill now).

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3. You constantly wonder whether people around you are getting younger.

As you hear the talk around you turn to GCSE results and other halves stressing about the upcoming separation due to university, you can feel the wrinkles deepening on your face. What year were these people born? Are they even legally allowed to drink? What would their parents think if they could see what they were wearing?!

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4. You leave the crowd before the last band finishes – you know, to beat the rush.

Even though you spent hundreds of pounds to come and see the headliners, the thought of waddling out of the arena like a bunch of sardines frustrates you enough to leave before the set is finished. You’ve seen them play now anyway, how will two more songs change that experience, right? You can just catch it on YouTube.

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5. You would rather stand way in the back so you can actually see the screens and avoid people invading your personal space.

Back in the day, the idea of being anywhere but in the centre of the crowd was just laughable. “What’s the point in coming?” you’d ask as you all hold hands and push past the ‘old losers’ in the back.

Now you’re sat at the very edge of the crowd, enjoying all the space around you and finding it very annoying when hand holding people push past you in such large groups. “WHO HAS THAT MANY FRIENDS?!”

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6. You’re tucked up in your tent by midnight, wondering how and why people are still awake.

When you’re young you never want the night to end, and the real party begins when you get back to your tent…

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But when you’re past it, you’re constantly clock watching and debating the earliest time you can go to bed without being considered ‘lame’. Then you realise that you are lame, and you’d be willing to embrace it if it means you can be in bed. Worth it.

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7. When people shout ‘Alan, Alan, Steve, Steve’ you roll your eyes and complain about the youths’ lack of originality.

With old age comes bitterness. It’s a natural change. Everything that younger people say is automatically wrong. We’re clearly older and wiser so just don’t talk to us; we’re always right.

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Happy ageing!

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