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47 Thoughts Every Shoe Sales Assistant Has When Hungover at Work

Sometimes there is no avoiding it, a part time job is necessary to keep afloat at University. Student loans are just not enough to cover rent, bills, food AND all those nights out.

And other than bar or nightclub work which is just not for those who enjoy sleep, retail is convenient work for students – yet it doesn’t come without its difficulties. So of course there will come times when you have an early shift looming but a bottle of cider calling… and going to work with a hangover is the only option.

And through the pain there will be many thoughts that pass your mind as you scan endless items, deal with customer requests and pretend to care about weekly targets.

Nobody_cares

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1. I feel fine, I can totally put out all these socks before we open.

2. WHO NEEDS THIS MANY SOCKS?

3. I feel overwhelmed with socks.

4. I should have eaten before I came to work… but that extra ten minutes in bed was so worth it.

5. I may vomit.

6. Oh no customers are here.

7. Who in their right mind is up this early by choice?

8. Maybe I can just hide somewhere

9. This stand looks big enough to conceal me.

10. How dare you approach me.

11. And now you’re asking me questions!?

12. I need a sandwich.

13. Or some bacon…

14. 3 hours and 34 minutes until bacon.

15. I can do this.

16. Maybe I could have a quick lie down in the stockroom.

17. This stockroom floor is comfy, why have I never thought of this before?

18. I could definitely live on this floor.

19. Is that a bruise on my arm?

20. How did I get a bruise?

21. This lie down has really helped, I think I may even get some shoe sizes now.

22. Time to get up. LET’S GO.

23. I immediately regret this decision.

24. I cannot function.

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25. Where is my bed?

26. WHERE IS MY BED?

27. Why do you need a size 9, 9.5 and a 10? KNOW YOUR SHOE SIZE!

28. It’s okay, I don’t need you to thank me for bringing you EVERY SIZE EVER, I totally don’t need your thanks.

29. WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST THANK ME, I AM CLEARLY A BOOKCASE OF EMOTION!?

30. Why am I so emotional?

31. Oh no, a child.

32. Why must you always talk small human?

33. Your child is hurting my head.

34. Make it stop.

35. No, I cannot measure your child’s feet.

36. Because I cannot bend down right now, I may vom.

37. I should not have gone out last night.

38. DAMN YOU PEER PRESSURE.

39. 15 minutes to go…

40. Must avoid customers for the last 15 minutes.

41. WHERE HAVE ALL THESE CUSTOMERS COME FROM?!

42. Please just buy a shoe.

43. OH MY GOD PICK A SHOE

44. Finished.

45. Don’t care.

46. Bed, bacon and productivity.

47. I wonder if anyone is going out tonight…

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