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The 16 Stages of Writing a Uni Essay When You’ve No Idea What You’re Doing

All students think they can write an essay without planning it. And all of them know that it’s not as easy as it seems.

1. You begin by calculating exactly the minimum grade you have to reach to still pass.

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2. And try to figure out how much under the word count you can be without failing.

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3. While questioning why you couldn’t just put this much effort into writing a plan in the first place.

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4. You write the title and reward yourself with a 90-minute break even though you already don’t have much time left.

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5. And immediately start trying to up your word count by rephrasing things in the most wordy way possible.

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6. You either praise the Lord that references count towards the word count.

And add in as many as you can.

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7. Or damn everything if they don’t.

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8. You frequently check the word count, write nothing for 10 minutes, then check it again just in case.

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9. And write paragraphs that start off well but somehow make no sense by the end.

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10. Which makes you become more and more angry with yourself for not making a simple plan.

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11. You re-read your work and wonder how you even graduated from primary school.

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12. While debating whether it’s worth applying for mitigating circumstances purely on the grounds that you’re just generally a mess.

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13. Or wondering whether, if you write confidently enough, anyone will notice that you’re regularly just repeating the same point in different words.

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14. You go through the essay and add in as many unplanned, probably unnecessary words as possible.

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15. And cobble together a bibliography, regretting your lack of organisation more than ever.

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16. Until finally finishing and submitting it before you have a chance to acknowledge how terrible it is.

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