13 Times Your Night Out Was A Series of Unfortunate Events
The Baudelaires aren’t the only ones who know the struggle…
- The Bad Beginning. When you get so drunk at Pre-drinks that you end up being escorted home by a sensible friend before even making it out because, let’s face it, shots before midnight is never a good idea.
- The Reptile Room When you go out on a Sport’s Night and have your very own encounter with an Incredibly Deadly Viper: The £2 a pint Snakebite.
- The Wide Window When you pre-empt a vomiting spree and manage to shove your head out the taxi window before the driver can charge you £1000000 for throwing up in his car.
- The Miserable Mill When you think you have a bottomless bank account and end the night without even a tenth of a cent to your name.
- The Austere Academy When the Bouncers have a no-nonsesne policy and won’t let you in the club because they think you’re too drunk.
- The Ersatz Elevator When you’re in one of those clubs with a ridiculous amount of levels and miss a step on your way from the 80s to the RnB room, having confusing the function of an elevator with the function of stairs.
- The Vile Village When you walk through town sober and witness a number of horrific sights and smells that you normally miss when drunk. From gross displays of affection to passed out people on the street, you are disgusted and appalled by everyone and everything.
- The Hostile Hospital When it’s your turn to play Paramedic for the night and to look after your excessively drunk friend.
- The Carniverous Carnival When the alcohol munchies at the end of the night make you feel like you’ve never been fed.
- The Slippery Slope When you go out for ‘one’ but one turns to two and two turns to three and three turns to a really good time so things just go down hill from there, until you find yourself staggering home in the early hours of the morning accidentally and unintentionally bladdered.
- The Grim Grotto When you go home with someone who’s a bit of a slob and end up spending the night in a dingy flat that feels thousands of miles away from your much more comfortable bed.
- The Penultimate Peril When you have that drink that takes you from moderately to excessively drunk and you have to then make it through the night without losing your friends, your wallet, your phone, your balance and most importantly of all, your dignity.
- The End The morning after hangover when you genuinely feel like your life is over and there’s a 60-100% chance you might be dying.