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21 Things Only University of Bath Students Will Understand

The Tub. Our cosy, leafy fortress, snuggled neatly into the rolling Somerset hills. Such a terrible shame that this ancient city ended up being home to two universities.

We may lack the glamour of some other higher education establishments, and our clubbing scene leaves a little to be desired, but where else can you walk to lectures whilst rabbits play merrily at your feet (sort of).

Let us examine what makes studying at the University of Bath a unique and untouchable experience. It’s not all sport and cider.

1. Walking up Bathwick hill is a fantastic idea, for the first ten meters.

Pack your overnight bag and emergency rations.

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2. All human decency is abandoned when queuing for the 9:15 buses.

Ensure to glare at the pensioners who dare to get off before campus.

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3. Unless you study maths, engineering or a science you will be regarded as vermin.

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4.  Sport Science doesn’t count.

Still better than Sports Performance.

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5. You will become very familiar with Zane Lowe and the Chip Shop Boys.

Meanwhile at Bath Spa summer ball: Eminem, Foo Fighters and The Beatles.

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6. It’s commonplace to feel physically threatened by gangs of ducks.

Rumor has it they are learning to use basic tools.

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7. Library security is the easiest job in the known universe.

Someone’s been spotted with a sandwich on level 4 – CALL FOR BACKUP

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8. Only arrive at a nightclub after 10:30 if you have a major queuing fetish.

Delight wristbands now attracting serious interest on the black market.

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9. The Bath Spa bus is full of people with rebellious hairstyles and weathered rucksacks.

They go hard.

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10. The male toilets in Weir Lounge are the 8th wonder of the world.

SO BEAUTIFUL

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11. North Korean prisons have nicer toilets than the SU.

So metallic, so cold.

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12. 8:15 lectures are divine punishment for all the sins of mankind.

Strong correlations evident between these modules and summer retakes.

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13. A night out in Bristol should be treated akin to a trip to Ibiza/Las Vegas.

Lest we forget the poor souls who never make it back to the coach.

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14. Trying to pay for the bus with a fiver will be treated as heresy.

More acceptable forms of payment include livestock, magic beans and/or silver doubloons.

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15. When printing from a Sunray, one will climb on average 14 flights of stairs and top up one’s card 23 times.

Double if it’s in exam time; someone will steal your computer.

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16. You’ve never been to Odd Down, but you imagine it to be somewhere within the Bermuda Triangle.

It is whispered that some tortured souls actually live there.

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17. You’ve never seen a police officer anywhere near a nightclub on student night.

They receive more calls to bingo halls and church fetes than to Second Bridge.

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18. Regular inhabitants of library level one have never seen daylight.

But a fantastic place to get journals from 1872 written entirely in Sanskrit.

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19. Terrifying people congregate at the bus station.

Great inspiration if you’re considering a new facial tattoo or fancy joining the EDL

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20. You’ve perfected learning 11 weeks worth of course material during revision week.

On a diet of Relentless and ProPlus.

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21. All is Beige.

Beige is all.

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And the rest is sport and cider…

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