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The 6 Stages of Finishing University Every Student Goes Through

For those of us who are now tip-toeing into the working world after however many years as a doe-eyed and carefree student, it can be an emotional time. The shackles of full-time education have been breached and now it’s time to reap the rewards of your hard work with a cushy 9-5 and the cavalier lifestyle of a young professional in the big city.

Right? Not quite…

Stage 1: Euphoria

As you walk out of your last exam or hand in that final piece of coursework, you are overcome with a feeling of complete and utter absolution. In the same way that baby turtles instinctively head towards the sunset upon hatching, you waltz triumphantly towards the student union bar, stopping only to dance the Charleston with strangers.

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Stage 2: Activities

The following days consist of a peculiar and beautiful limbo. The unfortunate business of getting a job seems light years away, now is time to enjoy the last remaining days of student life and living with your buddies. From the chrysalis of the reclusive hermit that you became during finals, a raving social butterfly has now emerged and is in full flight.

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via hercampus.com

Stage 3: Planning

Playtime is over, it’s time to be an organised and functional member of society. It is in this stage that endless lists of tasks are composed, leading the phenomenon of what I like to call “list-ception”. This is your typical lists-within-lists scenario where you realise you have so much to do that you begin planning the process of planning what you’re now going to do with your life.

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Stage 4: Panic

The suffocating magnitude of the world of work has suddenly dawned upon you and it’s all a bit overwhelming. You begin firing off CV’s with staggering inattentiveness as to what job you are actually applying for. If it has “graduate” in the title then by Jove you will apply for it, regardless of whether the following words are “water slide tester” or “septic tank cleaner”.

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Stage 5: Sloth

Some traditionalists would have you believe this stage is sinful, ignore them. After a relentless application frenzy and having nothing to show for it but a collection of ever so politely written rejection letters, comes the blissful descent into stagnation. It is now that you revert to your fresher way of living, except now there is not even a hint of a deadline or ill-timed morning lecture to upset proceedings. Research is equivocal as to how long it is socially acceptable to remain in this stage, however it is not uncommon for master sloths to remain in this way for months at a time.

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Stage 6: Success

Job offer! Fear not, for this elusive and at times mythical invitation will eventually come, providing you keep up some kind of application routine whilst practising the noble art of sloth. The graduate market is stiflingly overcrowded and can be demoralising at times, however take comfort in the fact that this first initial step onto the career ladder shall almost certainly be the most taxing. Once you’re on there, with the skills and experience that come with being a graduate, you’ll be bounding to the top in no time.

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