37 Problems Only Pale People Will Understand
Summer; a season associated with happiness and generally loved by all as long as hay fever medicine is on hand. Well, apart from pale people.
Pale people live a surprisingly different life to what you’d expect. Here’s what we have to cope with on a regular basis…
1. Getting sunburnt… in January.
Defying the laws of British weather, that’s us.
2. Having people ‘endearingly’ refer to you as a ghost.
3. Total strangers expressing their concern about why you’re not sat in the shade.
4. Magically becoming invisible when anyone uses flash to take a picture of you against a white wall
5. And if you don’t disappear, your facial features definitely will.
6. “So you just can’t tan at all? But why?“
If I knew that do you think I’d be this milky?
7. ‘Radiant, glowing skin’ just means you’re so pale that your skin reflects the sun
8. …And because it reflects the sun, people may actually have to shield their eyes when looking at you.
I wish this was a joke.
9. Friends coming back off holiday and using your arm as a constant tan comparison.
10. Trying to fake tan and realising that you actually just look ridiculous. And streaky.
11. Being completely adamant that SPF 30 is enough…
12. …Then having to go and buy factor 50 because you burned within moments of being outside.
13. Questioning whether you were adopted if you can’t find somebody ginger in your immediately family tree.
14. …And seriously wondering if you should just dye your hair ginger so you have an ‘excuse’ to be so pale.
15. Becoming a human radiator whenever you get sunburnt.
16. Going to a UV party and realising that your skin is glowing.
17. Bruising when something just touches you with too much pressure.
18. Consequently having to carry heavy shopping with extreme caution if you don’t want bruises all over your legs.
19. The main source of arguments with your parents has been because of your sheer refusal to wear sun cream.
20. Relying on Aftersun and Aloe Vera to save your life on too many occasions.
21. “You’re just pale and interesting!”
22. And “Aww, you’re just an English rose!”
Bit tricky when you’re not actually English, but alright then…
23. Panicking when you have to stand waiting for a bus for any longer than five minutes.
Not because you’re going to be late, but because you’re cooking.
24. Refusing to wear yellow because you’re convinced it makes you look like you’re about to throw up.
25. And anything peach or white makes you look naked. Avoid at all costs.
26. Forgot your sun cream? Prepare to sit in the cold shade, by yourself.
— Jess de Smidt (@jess_dee13) January 19, 2014
27. Having to embrace hat hair, because the burnt scalp alternative just isn’t worth it.
28. Needing a new foundation because you’ve tanned means going from Alabaster to Porcelain.
29. Being unable to join in any fun activities until you’ve put your sun cream on.
Ah it’s fine, I’ll just watch.
30. “Can’t afford sun cream, guess I’m staying inside today.”
32. Getting burnt in the boiling heat, then having to wear more clothes to avoid getting even worse burn.
33. Hugging someone, forgetting you have sunburn.
34. Friends arguing over who can stand next to you for pictures, because you make them look more tanned.
35. Knowing your body a bit too well because you can’t possibly leave an inch of skin uncovered by sun cream.
36. Even if you’re not in the sun, you get heat rash.
This also makes an appearance when drunk, delightful.
37. Being the only person with eyesight amazing enough to see your ‘tan lines’.
We have it hard.