27 Stages Of a Sober Night Out At UEA
For one reason or another you’ve probably ended up completely sober on a night out and suddenly entered a world different to the one your drunk self is used to. These are the stages you go through on a typical sober night out.
1. You head to the red bar after your lecture but just to hang out.
No alcohol thank you.
2. The conversation begins to get interesting the more people drink so you hang around.
3. It’s getting late so you pop to Campus Kitchen for some food.
4. You return to find that everyone has now decided to go to the LCR and they’ve already bought you a ticket.
There’s no backing out of this one.
5. You reluctantly agree that you’ll go but you wont stay for long.
6. One of your friends lives near the village so you head there for pre-drinks.
Well, to watch pre-drinks.
7. When you stop at the Fiveways Tesco for alcohol you pass on splitting the cost of vodka.
You’re not drinking and you have no money anyway.
8. Tonight just isn’t your night; you have a 9am tomorrow.
9. When the drinking games start you learn way more about your friends than you needed to.
10. But you also learn how much they love you.
And it’s adorable.
11. You find yourself propping up two of your friends the whole way to the LCR.
12. You have to give your drunkest friend a ‘look sober’ pep talk so the bouncers will even let you in.
13. Once inside you soon discover that you’re not as good a dancer as you thought.
Oh alcohol why have you deceived me?
14. You are nominated to do the bar run and find standing in the queue sober is actually really boring.
15. Sober you doesn’t want to make friends with strangers that stink of snake bite and cigarettes.
16. You finally get the drinks and realise you’ve lost all your friends.
17. You sneak onto the stage for a better look and get told off by a bouncer.
18. Then you head downstairs and find your drunkest friend crying in the corner of the blue bar.
19. You go to cheer them up but notice your other friend throwing up in the smoking area.
20. After a lot of stress you manage to drag them both outside.
21. You call a taxi but all they want is to grab food from the hatch.
22. The taxi arrives and you try to convince the driver that your friends are sobering up.
23. Suddenly your friends are now all over each other and you’re third wheeling.
The driver is definitely judging you in the rear view mirror.
24. You reach your friend’s house and have to pay ’cause you’re the only one who hasn’t lost all their money.
25. Once they’re safely inside you walk back to yours to get some sleep ’cause you’re exhausted.
26. The next day you have a million texts asking about and apologizing for the previous night.
27. Maybe next time you will have a couple of drinks.
You’ve earned it.