22 Struggles Every Southerner Will Recognise If They Studied Up North
1. Immediately being confronted with the challenge of trying to understand the many different versions of a Northern accent.
2. But still not being able to tell where anyone is actually from.
Unless your accent is really strong, you all just sound Northern.
3. Never feeling further from home than when you hear words like ‘owt, ‘nowt and t’other.
Seriously, how hard is it just to say ‘the’?
4. Or when someone refers to you as “mate” or “la”.
5. And then finding yourself unconsciously picking up the odd phrase.
Accidentally calling your friend “pet” will be funny until you’re back home where you’ll be stared at for a while and asked if you’re okay.
6. Constantly being told how posh you sound.
7. Even when you’re not posh. At all.
8. And being subjected to countless impersonations of your accent.
9. Which seems unfair when you’re not allowed to impersonate a Northern accent without controversy.
10. Having to accept that the weather just isn’t as good as it is at home.
11. And that you will be scoffed at for shivering outside in early October.
No sympathy whatsoever.
12. Not knowing how to react when strangers try to initiate friendly conversation.
We don’t do that in the South.
13. And questioning everyone’s motives for being nice to you.
Why did that woman just smile at me as she walked past me? Do I have something on my face? Why is that man at the bus stop telling me his life story? What does he want from me?
14. Feeling completely out of place the first time you go into a proper Northern pub.
15. Or when you first experience using a tram.
Why do you love them so much? What’s wrong with a simple bus or train?
16. You never knew there were so many ways to refer to a bread roll.
From ‘bread cake’ to ‘bap’, does it really matter that much? You’re all wrong anyway. It’s a bread roll.
17. Nor how many things it’s acceptable to eat with gravy.
Southerners reserve gravy purely for the Sunday roast, but Northerners slap gravy on everything. Chips, cheesy chips and what else do they even eat anyway?
18. Struggling to keep up with the nights out.
Everyone else seems to be better at handling everything from the weather to their booze.
19. But then craving them when you go back home.
Sure, it’s cold and your liver hates you afterwards, but at least you always have a great time and have money left at the end of the night.
20. Realising that you can no longer assume everywhere above London is the North.
If you do, then prepare for the looks of exasperation.
21. Not being able to criticise the North without receiving a death threat.
The northern friendliness disappears worryingly fast when you say something that is even slightly negative.
22. But then ultimately realising there’s actually not a lot you want to criticise.
Yes, it’s a slightly weird and alien place at first, but pretty soon it becomes your home and you learn to love it more than you ever thought you would.