20 Thoughts Every University of Reading Student Has Had When Drunk
So it’s term time, you’re in Reading and you’ve had a couple of drinks. Then out comes the drunken thoughts…
1. “I’ll just buy an extra drink or shot so I can pay the £5 card limit at Park Bar”
Spending money hurts less when you can’t actually see the money.
2. “Why isn’t there a cash machine at Park Bar?”
It’s like they want us to spend £5 to get cash back…
3. “We should leave this club extra early so we definitely get into Mcdonalds”
Why is there a bouncer? Why do you have to queue to make an order then queue again to receive your order? Why you gotta complicate everything Mcdonalds?
4. “Why has the Union made double the amount of toilets but not added any more hand dryers?”
Because after waiting for ages to go to the loo, you really want to wait to use one of the two hand dryers.
5. “The library is open 24 hours let’s go to the library after this”
Few drinks at Park Bar followed by a library session is a great idea right? No it’s not and you won’t end up going anyway.
6. “I’m going to my 9am seminar tomorrow morning, I’ll just have one more snakebite”
Ha! Good one.
7. “My bedroom is double the size of Q Clubs smoking area”
Because Q Club seem to think smoking should be done whilst pressed against a stranger.
8. “And asking me to queue for half an hour to get into this ridiculously small space is inhumane”
And apparently we live in a world where pushing in is totally cool with everyone ever.
9. “Could they have made the steps at Matchbox any steeper? Is this a sobriety test?”
It’s like they want you to fall on your ass.
10. “MNQ VIP is fun and all but are my feet supposed to be sticking to the floor?”
Because dancing is more fun when you can’t move your feet.
11.”There are so many bars at Sakura how is there a huge queue at all of them?”
And we all know sobering up just means it hurts even more to buy an overpriced drink on a Friday.
12. “As I’m not allowed a drink on the Sakura dancefloor, me downing my drink is totally a wise and responsible decision.”
You’re not going to abandon that drink you just queued ages for but nothing is going to stop you from dancing.
13. “And now I’m on this airless dancefloor do you know what would be nice… A DRINK.”
Does air even exist in Sakura?
14. “Also good idea putting mirrors in here Sakura! I really wanted to see me dancing badly whilst being a sweaty, red faced mess.”
That is not a pretty sight for anyone.
15. “Why is everyone on the 3Sixty dancefloor getting with each other?”
And then your friend will start getting with some dickhead from a sports society right in your face like that’s perfectly okay.
16. “The walk back from the union seems so much quicker when you’re drunk”
Or sometimes longer, depends if you’re faffing about or running to your bed.
17. “We can go to Purple Turtle now, I’m drunk enough not to notice the locals and the drink prices.”
It’s either empty or packed with middle aged men, there is no in between. Other than that it’s pretty cool.
18. “Let’s just spend the whole night in Lola Lo’s smoking area it’s the nicest part of the club”
Even if you don’t smoke this still seems like the best option.
19. “Why is the only other bar at Lola’s practically on the dancefloor?”
Is this the world’s shittest conga line or a queue? You don’t want a dance battle, you just want a drink.
20. “Let’s go to Uni Grill!”
These words have never been uttered by a sober person ever.