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16 Signs You’re Now a Fully-Formed Adult

Graduate life is a funny old thing. You’re still deemed a child by the rest of the adult world, still needing a bib, drinking from the bottle and having erratic sleeping patterns. Current students and teenagers look at you as some sort of relic, dusty and growing mould in the corner of a museum. You still like drinking and socialising until the next day, when you realise that you’re not the invincible Fresher that you once were.

Then, it hits you.

You no longer care what trends young people are into, because you’ve discovered which cheese pairs best with a fine Bordeaux. You have more fresh food than booze in your fridge. You know how to play an obscure card game that doesn’t involve downing shots of sugar-infused, low-percentage alcohol. You, dear Graduate, have turned into your parents.

1. You no longer have too much month at the end of your money.

Part of you wants to just stare at your balance because you can’t quite believe you have this thing called “savings”, part of you is quietly smug at how content you are compared to living from student loan payment to payment. Rejoice.

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2. Your cutlery, crockery and kitchenware is from a set, not a combination of acquired, “borrowed”, found, or random items that have just appeared.

Everything matches and it feels so good.

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3. You have a go-to recipe you know off by heart.

And your friends and relatives request it for parties on the reg.

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4. You serve your meals on a plate rather than eating it out of the pan you cooked it in.

How else will everyone know all your stuff matches?

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5. You reserve ready meals for when you know you don’t have the time to cook.

You actually plan your weekly meals, but sometimes you just can’t fit in half an hour of chopping. Nobody’s perfect.

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6. You don’t let chores build up because you don’t want to live in filth.

Student accommodation is usually rank because students are rank. You are neither now.

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7. If you’ve had a stressful day, you can relax with a glass of booze of an evening without it escalating into you clubbing at two in the morning.

Plus, the idea of clubbing tires you out, let alone actually going.

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8. When you try to dance in a club, people laugh at your “ironic” Dad-dancing.

In reality that’s just how you dance and you have no idea what you’re doing.

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9. When you go out with friends, you aim to get tipsy, not to the point of puking.

Sometimes it’s good fun to go hard, but these nights are on special occasions now, not three times a week.

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10. You drink alcohol because it tastes nice, not because it will get you paralytic.

Anything involving Red Bull is a definite mistake.

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11. You have a regular clear out of junk and have even considered doing a boot fair.

You may have also looked into trying to Feng Shui your room because you are desperately trying to cling on to your hipster weirdness rather than accept that you act like a PTA parent.

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12. You get excited when a nice kitchen appliance is reduced online.

Because you’ve clearly waited your whole life for a food processor.

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13. You have a mode of transport that isn’t held together by rust.

And it passed its MOT first time.

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14. You own at least one tool you know how to use properly.

Ok, so you might only use it to put together flat-pack furniture, but God damn it you can use a screwdriver!

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15. You get dressed properly on your days off.

It might just be a pair of cosy jeans and a t-shirt, but hey, you’re wearing underwear on a day that’s meant for a commando/pyjama combo. Good for you.

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16. Your friends are in awe of how “together” your life is.

They come to you for advice, too, because they see you as some sort of wizard who can magic the crap out of any situation.

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But hey, you’re still a fun guy. You’re neat.

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