18 Things That Will Happen If You Spend The Bank Holiday With Family
Bank holidays are magical time of year where most people are guaranteed four days off work to do whatever they please. But for many it also means being dragged to (or worse – hosting) a family gathering.
Like our postal workers, come rain or shine, we will do our duty. In this case, that’s not leaving a note to say we attempted to post a parcel, but having organised fun, trying to have a BBQ, and getting mashed on discount booze.
1. Either you’ll have to travel far to attend the gathering
Only to be greeted with hour-long tailbacks, because everyone else is trying to have a jolly nice time, too. Having anticipated such a setback, you may have packed a picnic, which included a cheeky bottle of road-wine for the passengers. Nothing says class like drinking cheap rosé out of a sippy-cup.
2. Or you’ll be forced to give up your room so that obscure relatives you hardly ever see can have your bed
Because despite the fact that there are actual babies in your family now, you’re still regarded as the littlest one, so you have to squeeze in the airing cupboard. At least it’s cosy, right?
3. Drinking starts as soon as the majority of the household is awake
A full breakie and a beer, Baileys on your cereal, vodka in your orange juice – for some reason, there has been a long tradition in the history of Bank Holidays that anything goes.
4. Games will be forced upon you as much as the food
But you can only play as soon as everyone’s sitting down, which inevitably takes at least three hours because someone needs the toilet, or a child starts crying, or you fall asleep due to boredom.
5. Whatever the weather, a BBQ will be attempted
Head Chef will keep an eye out for rain clouds, strategically lighting the BBQ at precisely the right moment. However, you will probably be left with the task of cooking the food when it starts to rain. Luckily, most Brits have an umbrella on standby, such an occasion should occur (which it nearly always does). Alas, despite your best efforts, and what seems like hours standing in the rain in front of a smoky grill, even the slightest hint of a burnt sausage will make you the least favourite person EVER.
6. An outdoor activity will be planned last minute when the sun comes out
Most likely, you will plan a walk to a pub, especially if you’ve all travelled to a new location. One of you will think they know exactly where they’re going after a swift glance at Googlemaps. Hours later, you’ll return, having not found any other signs of life, let alone a pub. Cue an angry game of Beer Pong.
7. Your significant other will embarrass you
Probably by drinking way too much. All you can hope is that your family find it funny.
8. Whether a karaoke machine is present or not, you will all start singing
Simon Cowell probably won’t come a-knockin’, but you will all sing until there is no more air left in your tiny drunken bodies, and you will all have a group nap.
9. You will all vow to take it easy on Saturday
This plan will go out the window as soon as breakfast is over.
10. Someone will injure themselves in an inexplicable way
One minute they’ll just be standing there, the next, they’ll somehow have contorted their leg and ended up face first through the fabric of a deckchair. No one will understand how, but the legend will live on.
11. Everyone will feel like Death incarnate on Sunday
Crankiness ensues and all the fights happen.
12. A last minute booze run will have to be undertaken
As well as getting more sausages for the BBQ as it went so well on previous evenings. Someone will also request an obscure cheese, but won’t get to eat any of it due to 19 other people with the drunken munchies.
13. Monday morning will feel like the most emotional day of your life
It’s been… something. Whether you’re sad to say goodbye, or simply drained from the continuous drinking and late nights, hugs all round are a necessity.
14. So much so you’ll forget that you actually have to clean everything up
Somehow everything you own is either sticky or broken, even if you didn’t actually use it in the end.
15. You’ll have to sit through hours of traffic yet again
Because the M25 is the place to be, amIright?
16. Just before you get home, you realise it’s 15:50 and all the shops shut in ten minutes
Meaning you have to drive around for ages trying to locate a Tesco Express, because you haven’t got anything in for dinner, or, God forbid, any milk for your morning brew.
17. Finally, when you get home, you know you should really have a shower, but can’t be bothered to do anything
So you just sit there feeling like one of the most vile, crusty human beings on the planet.
18. Deep down, you know you just want to do it all over again. Like, now
Because work sucks, and the Bank Holiday is the best weekend ever. Probably.
Same again next year?