9 Reasons Why Bonfire Night Makes Absolutely No Sense
Of course Bonfire Night commemorates the night that Guy Fawkes didn’t succeed with that infamous gunpowder plot of 1605.
More than 400 years later, though, we’re still celebrating it, and things have gotten a little weird…
1. The whole reason we celebrate it is because James I wasn’t killed.
I’m sure there are lots of other days when royalty didn’t die, and we don’t celebrate those.
2. We are cheering on the virtual death of Guy Fawkes.
We burn his effigy and the children whoop when he catches fire. It’s a bit dark, don’t you think?
3. What do fireworks have to do with anything?
I mean seriously. They’re totally irrelevant.
4. Toffee apples.
Does anyone actually know why they’re a thing? They’re not even fun once you’ve eaten the toffee layer.
5. No one barbecues
The whole country is filled with bonfires and yet no one seems to cook on them.
6. Hello? Global warming?
Let’s send more gunk into the atmosphere by burning things we don’t even need to.
7. Flashing light-sabers and hair-bands.
Because apparently the death of Guy Fawkes means that all our children should pretend to be Jedis and neon-princesses for the night.
8. The carnivals.
“Guy Fawkes died! Let’s celebrate by hooking a duck!”
9. The poem that no one remembers past, “gunpowder, treason and plot.”
Who made that up anyway?
Fireworks are awesome. Bonfire night – less so.