19 Things That’ll Make You Regret Doing a Christmas Dinner at Uni
Essays have been handed in and so the hard part of Autumn semester is over, right? Wrong, you’ve got your University Christmas dinner to get through first.
What first seemed like a great idea when proposed in early November quickly descends into a day of overcooked mash and towers of gravy stained plates.
1. “I’ll do the gravy.”
Four words that suggest you’ll contribute but you know you’ll be doing everything but. There’s a guaranteed way to predict the person who will spend the day drinking, hovering and offering cooking criticism and that’s whoever offers to do the gravy.
2. “Can we eat early?”
Whether it’s down to not really wanting to be there in the first place or to ensure enough time passes to avoid going out and appearing like a bloated seal, there will always be debates about kick-off time.
3. “Will there be Devils on horseback?”
Expect someone to request something aberrant.
4. You won’t dedicate enough time to defrost the turkey.
Looks like you’ll have to stay longer than planned, mate.
5. Followed by everyone’s wild theories on how to thaw a turkey.
“Apparently, the best way to thaw a frozen turkey is in the garage.”
6. Cue a quick journey to your room for an emergency phone call to Mum.
7. Who’d have thought that your uni oven couldn’t fit 4 turkeys in there?
It’s not the tent in Harry Potter.
8. Getting the timing of all the food wrong.
“I’ll just keep the mash on the hob on a low heat. That’ll work, right?”
9. That guy who goes mad when the plates come out and there are no pigs in blankets.
10. “Shotgun the breast.”
11. No-one knows how to carve a turkey.
Get YouTube up.
12. “Shall we just get chicken instead?”
After weeks of people pining for turkey it will only take one look at the price for people to settle for a big chicken instead.
13. “So what do you eat for Christmas dinner?”
Vegetarians, Pescatarians and Vegans get your answers ready.
14. Not realising until the last second that you don’t even have a dining table.
It’s amazing how late it will hit you that you don’t even have a table to eat around. Or chairs.
15. Invariably, there’s a guest you forgot to invite.
The awkward moment when you start to chow down and realise you forgot poor Jimmy.
16. Secret Santa
Shout out to the guy who goes noticeably over budget for that girl he likes.
17. Drinking and eating for far too long
Preparations started at noon so, naturally, drinking did as well. 8 bottles of mulled wine and discount Baileys later and going out doesn’t seem so appealing.
18. Homemade dessert
Turns out that complicated British Bake Off recipe didn’t look as good as it did on TV.
19. And after all that, your kitchen has never looked so messy.
Which is saying a lot. Good luck.