23 Things All University of Manchester Graduates Will Remember
The University of Manchester, one of the finest educational establishments in the United Kingdom. Based in a city rich with musical, political and theatrical history. Some of the finest musical establishments the North has to offer are nestled right in the comforting and inexpensive bosom of the University’s students’ union. Giving rise to numerous Nobel prize winners and D-Ream-keyboardists-cum-TV-science-heartthrobs alike, the university has plenty to offer.
And yet it’s these things that stick in our minds after our time as a student…
1. Only setting foot in Whitworth Hall on your first and last day.
2. Frolicking around the old quadrangle trying to pretend you’re at Oxford. Or at the very least an extra in Morse.
3. Everyone knows someone who has seen a rat in the John Rylands library. But none have seen one for themselves.
4. And when the John Rylands Library was called the John Rylands Library.
5. Making wildly prejudicial and often inaccurate judgements about a colleague’s background based on their halls.
Richmond Park are all Tories, right?
6. The similarity between Fallowfield during Parklife and the last days of Rome.
All bets are off, society’s rules no longer apply.
7. The overwhelming feeling of jealousy and bitterness to those graduating with a full champagne tent in recent years.
I mean, I technically had that, but they ran out of champagne by the time I got there.
8. Walking distances on the first night of Freshers’ week that you haven’t dreamt of since.
9. Feeling that your human rights have been violated if you have to wait more than 4 minutes for a Magic Bus.
10. Pitying friends at other unis who get less than 4 weeks off at Christmas.
11. Envying friends at other unis who get more than 3 weeks at Easter.
12. Feeling and acting like a real grown up living in the ‘burbs. On Derby Road. In second year.
But we have a (previously) working fireplace and sliding doors?
13. Red Rum. Little else needs saying.
Would it be anywhere near as busy if there was anywhere else with shots for a quid, open til 3 in Fallowfield?
14. That one guy who got too drunk and fell asleep on the 43 bus, woke up at the airport, and had to sit in departures for fear of the bus driver realising his blunder.
15. The feeling that you must have hit the business end of your degree as you walk around an abandoned Fallowfield during reading week, like Cilian Murphy in 28 Days Later.
16. Viewing Oxford Road as a single, unyielding passageway, from which you do not stray.
Chorlton? Never heard of it.
17. The terror in your heart the first time you walk past the giant spider crab in the museum window.
Only for it to intensify when it disappears, convincing you that it’s stalking prey in the Arndale like a 6 legged scally.
18. The gradual normalisation of sights such as a gas mask bong after regular trips to Lloyds.
19. Refusing to call Lloyds anthing but Lloyds, even though it’s been New Zealand Wines for years.
20. The union bar before it served European lager, single malt, and cider for more than £1.50.
21. Buying booze from the tiny hatch in the side of Gaff’s like some twisted midnight tuck shop.
22. The ice ceam truck in Withington that everyone said sold drugs.
Two 99s, a Feast and 2g of bugle please pal. With a flake.
23. The unequivocal unadulterated, uncompromising hatred for MMU students.
And the day you realised that actually a lot of them were alright.
Take me back. I’ll do it all again.