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5 Emotions You’ll Feel When You Break Up With Someone After Starting Uni

Despite going to university with every intention of maintaining your relationship, chances are it will end in the first few months. But even knowing that it’s a statistical majority, it can still hurt.

It’s never easy to be the person being dumped… but it it can be just as difficult to be the person who initiated the break up. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try, things just don’t work out, and although ending things might be necessary, it doesn’t make it any easier to do.

Here are a few of the emotions you’ll probably go through if you choose to end your relationship, and a few tips on how to tackle them.

1. Guilt

Guilt is probably the first emotion you’ll feel, and it’ll be felt keenly no matter why your relationship came to an end. If you’re the one who ended things there’s a chance your ex is pretty upset about the situation, and it’s easy to feel guilty for upsetting somebody else.

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via tumblr.com

How to tackle the feeling

Keep in mind that your ex will eventually stop feeling hurt, and the dust will settle. Things will return to normal eventually and they’ll probably end up thanking you one day.

2. Doubt

Worrying about whether or not it was the right thing to do can keep you up at night. Pondering the “what-ifs” of a relationship can be stressful, and chances are you’ve probably wondered whether there was anything you could have done to salvage the relationship before ending it. This feeling will probably be felt even more keenly if your ex partner is reluctant to let you go – you’ll be wondering whether or not it was the right thing to do for them as well.

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How to tackle the feeling

Look back on your time with your ex and contemplate the reasons why you broke up. You decided to do it for a reason, and reminding yourself of those reasons will help you to keep clear in your mind that ending things was the right decision. It’s also worth bearing in mind that, although you might feel selfish, you have to put yourself first – staying in a relationship just because the other person wants you to isn’t healthy for anybody involved.

3. Uncertainty about what’s next

Sometimes trying to figure out where to go from your breakup can be a difficult task. It depends a lot on whether you and your ex are trying to stay friends, or keep your distance, but it’s a feeling that can leave you reeling and a little confused if you don’t know how to deal with it.

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How to tackle the feeling

If you can, try to talk to your ex about how best to handle the situation to suit both of you. If your ex is unwilling to speak to you about “where to go from here”, then it’s best to assume that they don’t want to see you while they’re going through their healing process. Perhaps avoid any mutual friends for a while or any places that you used to go to regularly together, to avoid the chance of running into them. Don’t talk badly about your ex to any mutual friends, in case it gets back to them. Try to handle the situation as maturely as possible.

4. Yearning

Just because you ended things with someone doesn’t mean you didn’t care about them – in fact, sometimes it’s the people you care about the most that you have to end it with so that you’re not dragging them into your own issues. It’s easy to miss your ex, especially if you were with them for a long time and you’ve decided not to stay friends after the break up. It’s a big change, going from perhaps most of your time being spent with that person to none of it, so it’s not unusual to feel the loss of that person in your life keenly.

via giphy.com

via giphy.com

How to tackle the feeling

Make plans with friends and family initially to keep you busy and to keep your mind off things, but remember that learning to be by yourself again is an important part of the process when coming out of a relationship. Learn to love your own company again and do things alone that make you happy. Take up a new hobby, or pick up an old one that got a little bit left behind when you first began your relationship.

5. Freedom

It might sound awful to say it, but if you’re the one who initialized the break up, a small part of it was probably because you were yearning for the sense of freedom that comes with being single, and even in amongst all of the other emotions it’ll be felt quite strongly.

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via giphy.com

There’s nothing wrong with wanting and enjoying the new-found freedom of being single, so there’s no need to ‘tackle’ this emotion, as such. Just know that it’s a perfectly natural feeling, and it shouldn’t make you feel like a bad person for wanting it. People settle down at their own pace, and if you weren’t ready for that, or weren’t with the right person then it’s absolutely fine to enjoy the freedom of being single once again. Just be sure not to gloat about it to your ex or to friends of your ex in case it hurts them, and don’t be tempted to shack up with anybody new too soon. You still need to go through your own healing process and learn to be by yourself again.

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Chin up. 

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