22 Times You Were a Write Off This Freshers’ Week
1. When it was only the first night and you’d already thrown up in front of all your new flatmates.
2. Then woke up to find you’d been tagged in a hundred thousand photos on Facebook.
Each more mortifying than the one before.
3. When you realised you’d drunk texted pretty much all of your friends and family.
4. And had to sift through all the messages to figure out the details of what actually happened that night.
5. When shots seemed like the only way to make things less awkward, but ended up making it worse.
6. And you remembered you told a load of near-strangers every embarrassing detail of your life in a game of never have I ever.
7. So now you have a reputation and a nickname that you won’t live down for a while.
8. When your lengthy Snapchat story was all unflattering videos of you screaming song lyrics into the camera on nights out.
9. And you found loads of creepy face-swap photos saved on your phone with people you can barely even remember.
10. When you reached a point where you were still drunk from the night before at pre-drinks the next day.
11. When you kept having sobering flashbacks to yourself dancing in the club and getting way too into it.
12. And then discovered one of your new “friends” had videoed you.
13. When you were too drunk to be using the Freshers group chat and wish somebody had stopped you.
14. Or when you fooled yourself into thinking that you were sober enough to cook when you got in at 3am and then set the fire alarm off.
15. And just generally wreaked havoc in your new home.
16. When you were still steaming at the Freshers’ Fair and ended up signing up to literally everything because you didn’t know what was going on.
17. And then you almost couldn’t keep the free pizza down.
18. When you checked your bank balance at the end of the week and realised your student life was probably over.
19. And you got ridiculously lost in town during the day because you’d never seen it sober.
20. When you had no memory whatsoever of making it home and actually felt quite scared for yourself.
21. When you started to feel so shit all the time you couldn’t tell whether you finally had Freshers’ Flu or just another hangover.
22. And ended up not being able to even look at vodka any more.
But you’ll probably be out next week anyway. 💀