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14 Signs You’re Unemployed and Achieving Nothing With Your Time

Hard-working, proactive, energetic – there are just so many words to describe you. But just not when you’re unemployed…

1. You’re living with your parents but actually quite enjoy it. 

Fine quality bedding, a full fridge, clean floors, why does anyone ever leave?


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2. You can’t comprehend when friends complain about how they “physically can’t lie in any more” with their “9-5 jobs” and “lives”.

What are these words?  

Kevin Spacey

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3. Daytime TV is your best friend, especially E4 double bills, and it can easily suck up your entire day. 

Okay, so wake up at 11:00, quick breakfast (cereal), Charmed double bill, How I Met Your Mother double bill, Big Bang Theory double bill – break to make lunch (more cereal) – pray for something watchable on Film4 or hit Netflix until dawn.

TV screen

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4. Then the next day, when you wake up, you discover the true definition of square eyes, it pains you to blink, and your eyeballs have a pulse.


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5. So you think to yourself “this life ain’t the one” and decide to try and job hunt. Which more than likely will involve staring intently at a screen… 


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6. You come up with the genius plan of letting machines do the searching for you by setting more job alerts than you can shake a stick at.

And then suffer with the consequences.


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7. Boy have you learnt your lesson about genuinely trying, so back to the do-nothing routine you go.

By now, you’re well into the vicious Lethargy Cycle: the less you do, the worst you feel.


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8. You figure: “If having square eyes is my destiny, I might as well enjoy getting there” and the television wins.

So the same day happens all over again.

Groundhog Day

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9. This means, when people ask what you’ve been up to recently, you have literally nothing to say.


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10. But of course you don’t tell anyone about the random bursts of energy you do get when you achieve something huge.

Whether it’s creating dance routines Bey would be proud to call her own, presenting your dog a musical performance on par to Adele Dazeem, or initiating projects you’ll be interested in for approximately 12 minutes – when you set your mind to something, it is glorious.


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11. Every now and then, by some miracle, you might have a reason for leaving the house.

On this momentous occasion, the fresh air hits you like an exhilarating hug directly from Mother Nature herself.

Fresh air

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12. But this is a rarity. With the bank account funds wearing thin, it’s not like you can go on spontaneous shopping trips or treat yourself to an impromptu night out.  


via giphy.com

via giphy.com

13. You master the art of assuring everyone that you’ve been endlessly job hunting. 

In case of emergencies, you have stock answers prepared involving the difficulty of securing a role, the masses of graduates seeping into the job market every year, and the intricacies involved with mastering LinkedIn.

Job hunting

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14. And then you return to your unemployed self doing its dwell-loving, hovel-habituating thang.


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