17 Signs You’re a Graduate at Freshers
“Welcome to Freshers ’14! Hold on… are you a student here? Sorry, it’s students only, the local pubs can be found at the other end of town.”
And commence tears. That’s right, you’re a graduate now, remember? Your Freshers days are long gone and you’re quickly losing that “student vibe” you once held so dearly. Thinking you can still get away with crashing those freshers’ parties? Think again, they’ll quickly sniff you out and you’ll be heading back to mum and dad’s with your graduate tails between your legs.
Below are 17 tell-tale signs of a graduate in a student bar.
1. You’re constantly complaining about all the changes they’ve made since you were last there.
Typical comments include: “This used to be a pool room”, “There was a jukebox here, why did they get rid of it?” & “This place has gone downhill”
2. You accidentally showed up in your Class of ’11 tshirt.
3. Every time you see an actual fresher you question the legitimacy of them being let into university.
“No way is that person 18, they look like… 12 or something.” Repeat.
4. You see people doing shots and feel sick on their behalf.
They’re mixing all sorts and they seem to be enjoying it, avert your eye before you actually vomit.
5. You’re the only one who wasn’t asked for ID.
Surrounded by baby faces, your more matured look is an ultimate giveaway.
6. You request music that causes a collective “boo!” from everyone else.
That song may remind you of your freshers, but times have changed, old man.
7. You awkwardly excuse yourself from conversation whenever asked what year you’re in or what you study.
Don’t let them find out, quickly, say you need the toilet… again.
8. You seem to have congregated around other elders.
The guy next to you just asked if you wanted to play chess… in a pub… during freshers. You’re definitely in the wrong crowd.
9. You’re the only one not wearing a group “FRESHERS” tshirt or fancy dress.
Just tell everyone you’re wearing an old person costume – if they haven’t already guessed.
10. You question life several times an hour.
“What is life!?”, “why do I feel so old” – you’re being very dramatic and it isn’t helping your case.
11. The tap for the expensive beer hadn’t been turned on until you arrived.
Everyone else is drinking that £1 a pint stuff. You look on in disgust.
12. You think pulling freshers is a good idea, until you realise how young they are.
That’s right, we’re not 18 any more.
13. You order food.
Good thinking, you need something to soak up all that alcohol.
14. You pretty much hate* everyone there.
*are jealous of.
15. Half the time you just feel like bailing.
“Get me out of here, I don’t belong here!” Stay strong, you’re a graduate. You’re better than these guys.
16. A circle seems to have formed around you. They know.
Freshers are like gazelles, they see any outsider as a predator and will actively avoid you.
17. You leave as people are still queuing to get in.
It’s been a long night, and you’ve still got a 30 minute taxi ride back home. Don’t let people see you yawning or you may be barred on the spot.