29 Stages of Becoming a Graduate, As Told By Napoleon Dynamite
University is officially over. You never thought it would come but it has, and you feel like you need another three years just to prepare.
Your transition into adulthood will be anything but smooth, but everything like Napoleon Dynamite.
As long as “I like your sleeves” isn’t your go-to line on Tinder, you’ll do fine.
1. You leave university confident that your degree will propel you to success. But that doesn’t exactly happen.
Not right away, at least.
2. You move back home with your parents and end up staying there longer than you had ever hoped.
Nobody enjoys this. Least of all you.
3. All of a sudden your life is exactly where it was 4 years ago.
Dependent on mum and dad, jobless, and constantly fighting with your siblings.
4. Except some of your friends have changed quite a bit over the years…
5. At first your parents are happy to have you around.
They constantly offer you food and love which you usually ignore.
6. But before long they lose interest in sustaining you and probably start to resent you.
Cue the passive insults.
7. Full of shock and denial, you spend most of your time wishing you were back at university.
Everyone is starting to get tired of your throwback stories and timehop posts. It’s only been 3 days.
8. Being in your home town, you run into people from your school more often than you’d like.
It’s never not awkward.
9. And the nightlife is dire compared to what you were used to at university.
10. So much so you will let pretty much anything come between you and another night in Wetherspoons.
11. When you do leave the house, your parents are on your back.
“Where are you going?” “What are you doing?” “When will you be back?”
12. You lash out at them, but will always come crawling back when it’s time for food.
13. Determined to move out, you send off as many job applications as possible.
14. You feel really good about some of them.
15. But the response is always the same.
16. Nobody appreciates your skills.
17. And you feel like you’re going nowhere.
18. You try to reassure yourself that you are intelligent and employable by discussing your degree.
It doesn’t go down well.
19. Everyone keeps asking how the job hunt is going and you start to think they’re doing it on purpose.
“If I’m not talking about it, assume I didn’t get it.”
20. Your parents muscle in, offering unhelpful suggestions and comparing you to their colleagues’ children.
“Yes mum, but I don’t want to be a teacher.”
21. By now they’re also commenting on your love life.
“You’ll never find someone if you live with your parents, you know!”
22. But you’ve matched with like 4 people on Tinder this week, so that’s good.
23. Some of your friends will find success before you do.
24. So you respond by calling them sellouts and talking about how you’re using this time to “develop” and “pursue personal projects”.
25. When really you’re just weighing up whether you can afford to do a Master’s.
26. You take a crappy job for the time being, it’s not the dream but at least having a degree was a requirement.
27. And with money in your bank you feel a bit more free.
28. If nothing else, it teaches you a thing or two about the interview process.
And with ~some~ experience under your belt, your start to hear back from the jobs you actually want.