37 Times You Had Zero Shame at University
University is an enlightening experience. One that entirely eradicates your sense of shame.
1. When you hoped for the best and went into uni without looking at yourself in a mirror.
2. When you went days without getting dressed or leaving the house.
3. And really pushed the boundaries of how long you could go without changing your bedding.
4. When you came in drunk and ate all of your housemates’ food.
5. Then when you refused to own up to it the next day.
6. When you used the last of the toilet roll and did nothing.
7. When your laundry pile could barely even fit in your room any more.
8. When your housemate’s parents came to visit and you made no effort to look presentable.
9. When you gave the bouncer a piece of your mind because drunk you is never wrong.
10. When you ate cheesy chips for the fourth time in one week.
11. Every time you went to a bar and said, “what’s your cheapest drink?”
12. When you paid for a Domino’s in change.
13. Through the window.
Because going to the door was too much effort.
14. When a movie night with your housemates turned into a two-day movie marathon.
15. When you went a whole week without seeing sunlight.
16. When you didn’t bother to clean up when people came to view your house.
17. Or even bother to get out of bed.
18. When you walked out the supermarket with 20 packets of instant noodles.
19. Every time you did the Hand-In Walk of Shame*
*the walk home you do when you submit an essay after pulling an all-nighter.
20. When you ate around the mould.
21. And straight out of the pan to save washing up.
22. When you went to lectures in the same clothes you went out in the night before.
23. Every time you turned into a kleptomaniac when drunk and stole everything in sight.
24. And the next day when you had to somehow dispose of the evidence.
25. When you ruined everyone else’s night by getting too drunk.
26. When you unashamedly revealed your hoard of snacks to the library and offered them to no one.
27. When you didn’t do the reading but tried to blag your way through the seminar anyway.
28. When you refused to take the bins out so just balanced more rubbish on top of what was already there.
29. When you broke something in the house and pretended like nothing happened.
30. When you refused to leave the club until the lights were turned on.
31. When you stole toilet paper from the uni.
32. When you moved out and “accidentally” took something that wasn’t yours.
33. When someone was knocking on the front door but you couldn’t be bothered to answer, so just awkwardly stared at them hoping they would leave.
34. When you interrupted your housemate’s carefully constructed, Raw House playlist to put on some Taylor Swift.
35. When you napped so often people got bored of writing on you with a Sharpie.
36. When you had to ask how appliances worked.
37. And every time your meals resembled a primary school dinner.