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36 Unfair Stages of Life After University, As Told By Malcolm In The Middle

Graduate life is unfair.

1. You went to university because that’s what you were ~supposed~ to do.

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2. But then when you left that all changed.

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3. And you quickly realised how unfair the world is. 

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4. This often makes you sad…

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5. And occasionally makes you rage.

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6. You’re expected to act like an adult, but still get spoken to like you aren’t one.

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7. The pressure to find meaningful employment is everywhere. 

And you wish you could just make this decision…

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8. But really you’re too busy still trying to get over the fact you’re no longer a student. 

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9. You feel underqualified for almost everything.

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10. And start to take the rejections personally.

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11. Meanwhile, literally everyone ever seems to be doing much better than you.

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12. You stretch the truth so far on your CV that you have an identity crisis.

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13. All you want is for someone to acknowledge how great you are.

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14. But it feels like no matter what you do, nothing goes your way.

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15. So you take comfort in sleep.

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16. And food.

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17. You probably take “follow your dreams!” far too literally.

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18. And have literally no idea what it means to be an adult.

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19. All you know is that you hate your hometown and need to get out asap.

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20. You don’t go out half as much as you used to. 

Or need to.

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21. And birthdays and Christmas will never be as exciting again.

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22. You start to actually hate everyone who is younger than you.

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23. People ask you questions like, “but what are you doing with your life?”

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24. And “why aren’t you married yet????”

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25. You just wish they’d stop and appreciate how hard it is to be a graduate.

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26. Application forms and interviews force you to list your qualities. You struggle.

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27. Made even worse when you notice all the typos you’ve made.

Chances of getting this job = car on fire.

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28. “Competitive salary” is the bane of your life.

Though really anything would do.

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29. And graduate schemes genuinely terrify you.

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30. The hunt for a job really tests your patience.

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31. And after a while, everyone gets fed up of hearing you complain about life.

Ignore them. Keep going.

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32. But eventually something comes up.

Though naturally, you’re suspicious. Apparently a sure sign of adulthood.

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33. Then, finally in employment, you find new problems to overcome. Such as waking up early…

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34. … Avoiding a quarter-life crisis.

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35. And basically not wanting to go to that job you spent ages trying to secure. 

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36. The end. ☺️

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Thanks a lot, Malcolm. 🙃

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