32 All Too Familiar Stages of a Uni Night Out
You go on so many nights out at uni, they all start to blur into one.
1. Having to convince people to abandon their uni responsibilities and come out drinking with you.
Which gets more difficult the further you progress through your degree.
2. But not before convincing yourself that it’s okay to drink tonight.
“I can afford this” – “I can revise tomorrow” – “Everything will be fine” – “I’ve earned this night out”
3. You buy the cheapest alcohol you can find, because money.
4. Then spend the majority of the night pre-drinking, again because money.
5. Playing drinking games to help everyone get in the mood. Which always feels a bit awkward no matter how long you’ve been doing it for.
6. Someone suggests Ring of Fire.
7. And then Never Have I Ever.
Which is a prime opportunity to embarrass someone who trusted you.
8. The ‘Pre-drink DJ’ divides opinion.
The Deep House crowd and the T-Swift Army clash every time.
9. And if anyone suggests moving on before everyone is completely lit then they’ll quickly get shut down.
10. You down at least one suspect-looking drink.
This is “unay”, after all.
11. And you know it’s time to hit the bar when you go to the toilet and realise just how much you’re swaying.
12. You pour yourself one last drink before heading out.
13. And then inevitably the taxi arrives.
14. Someone adopts the role of military drill sergeant and ushers everyone out the door.
15. You go to a cash point and hover over “£50” for a good 5 minutes before coming to your senses.
16. Unless you don’t and actually withdraw £50. Or more. Which is highly probable given the amount you pre-gamed.
17. Everyone puts on their best sober face before queueing for the club.
18. But you really don’t fool anyone.
19. You walk in thinking, “I’m not going to spend that much tonight.”
Then immediately go to the bar and somehow end up buying two drinks for yourself and a round of shots.
20. It takes no more than 15 minutes for everyone to lose one another.
21. Half the squad have “gone to the bar” aka they’re wandering around looking for someone to pull.
22. Some people think it’s a good idea to tell Snapchat what’s going down.
Something they regret the morning after.
23. The military sergeant who got everyone in the taxi returns, this time they want a group photo.
24. It looks awful.
25. You bump into people you vaguely know from your course and share awkward eye contact with people you’ve pulled in the past.
Because at uni you literally can’t escape anyone.
26. Everyone dances terribly for a couple of hours.
27. While belligerently requesting bad music from the DJ.
28. You drunkenly call and whatsapp anyone who refused to come out.
29. People start to drop off and you realise how much better your life would be right now with food.
30. So you go to that same takeaway you always go to and spend even more money.
31. You stumble home, refuse to drink any water for some reason and go straight to bed.
Hopefully avoiding the spinning room. If not, RIP.
32. You then wake up with “a hangover the size of Russia”, vow never to drink again then repeat the whole process a couple of days later.
Next time you go out, why not get a free drink?
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