17 Ways Your Work Christmas Party Is Just Like a School Disco
Christmas can often bring out the child in us, and the office Christmas party is no exception.
Here’s proof that this year’s office do is just like the discos you experienced in secondary school.
1. Deciding what to wear is still agony.
Non-uniform day at school was a big deal – your life as you knew it depended on what you wore to express yourself on this rare day of freedom. Nowadays, you’re plagued with similar worries about what to wear – will the boss think its inappropriate? Will a shirt make you look like a bore, or make people take you more seriously?
2. You don’t really want to go, but the entire office is going so it would be social suicide not to.
At secondary school you had a million other important things to be doing on your Friday night, but the pressure of knowing that everyone in school is going to be at the disco tonight made you drag yourself off MSN and neglect your SIMs. Nowadays it’s no different – your whole office has sacrificed seeing the live X-Factor results, so it’s only fair that you do the same.
3. You’re still forced to eat that bargain spread from Asda.
Except this time, instead of masking the packets of crisps with copious amounts of sweets, your boss uses unlimited booze to hide the fact that he’s skimped on the evening’s supplies.
4. Despite this, you still stuff your face.
If there’s one thing you learnt in school, it was you don’t turn down free food. And if the boss is paying…
5. The secondary school cliques are still hanging about.
The alternative kids have all matured into the design team, the maths nerds are in finance and the popular kids are all dominating the HR department. Even though you’re all adults now, it’s still a bit awkward when someone attempts to socialize with a different group.
6. Everyone has already predicted who is going to get with who.
Like in secondary school, rumours have been flying around the office left, right and centre over who will be caught kissing under the mistletoe at this year’s Xmas do. On the night, it’s so obvious that you kind of wish they’d just hurry up and get on with it.
7. You’re still trading valuables with your peers: except this time it’s office achievements instead of Pokemon cards and gel pens.
Your determination to trump your peers has gone up a notch from the days of exchanging cards in the playground. If only it was still acceptable to swap pictures of cartoon animals, then you could shut Paul from finance up with one swift flash of your Charizard card.
8. You find it a bit awkward socialising with someone who has the power to tell you off.
Seeing your teachers outside of school hours was bizarre, but seeing your managers outside of the usual 9am-5pm is ten times weirder. Can they fire you for not enjoying their jokes? Better laugh dramatically just in case.
9. You still enjoy dancing to the Macarena, even though your adult self makes you pretend you don’t know the moves.
Hey Macarena! (Ay!)
10. It’s awkward when you bump into someone who you forgot to include in your Christmas list.
Despite sending cards to literally everyone you had ever spoken to in your year at school, there was always someone who slipped off your list. Office life is no different: you make a list, you check it twice… and you still forgot to send Sarah from Marketing a card. You try to mask your error by claiming that you must have put it on the wrong desk, but she doesn’t buy it.
11. There’s always someone who has the one too many…
At school it was that kid *Joe* who always gorged on party rings and marshmallows, before running manically around the dancefloor and throwing up on the DJ. Nowadays it’s *Barry* from IT who’s making full use of the free bar and is now keen to tell everyone what he really thinks of them.
12. And there’s that one who’s sucking up to management.
That teacher’s pet that you knew back in school is still using flattery as a form of progression, even in a remotely work-related social scenario. You’re sure to find them complimenting the boss’ hideous Christmas jumper in attempt to swindle a promotion.
13. You have to endure the awkward moment when you’re boss gets on the dance floor.
Seeing your boss dance is similar to seeing a teacher dance: it’s akward and uncomfortable, but no matter how bad their funky chicken is, you smile politely and applaude. “Oh is that what a ‘worm’ is supposed to look like? Wow…”
14. There’s still the girl/boy divide.
Everyone is fully aware of the curse of the office Christmas party, so in order to avoid any potentially embarrassing mishaps, the evening starts with the classic primary school boy/girl divide. That is until the wine kicks in…
15. On Monday morning, you still enjoy the playground rumours of so-and-so kissing so-and-so in the printer room.
Time to cash in on that bet!
16. You have a mini heart-attack when someone declares that they have photographic evidence of the night.
Except instead of being scared of your mum seeing proof that you were up past your bed time, you’re now worried that the boss might not take you so seriously once they’ve seen the 50 hideous drunken selfies you’ve taken using company-property.
17. Despite all the drama, awkwardness and mishaps, you still agree that it was one of the best events on your calendar.
So you all got a bit drunk and are now acting like nothing happened come Monday morning – that’s all part of the fun!