38 Thoughts Every English Literature Student Will Recognise From Seminars

There are hundreds of things English Literature students have in common. Namely the feeling of abject terror that accompanies seminars each week.

We are the masters of coming unprepared.

1. ”Oh good, I’m not the only one who’s never opened this book before.”

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2. ”I hope nobody hears me crack the spine.”

3. ”Who knew Harry Potter could be a legitimate module choice?”

4. ”And yet I still don’t do the reading.”

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5. ”Why is there no Sparknotes entry? There’s always a Sparknotes entry.”

6. ”Right, first Question. I better get in there so I’m safe for the next 56 minutes. ”

7. ”Damn, she didn’t pick me.”


8. ”Just nod and smile.”

9. ”This silence is crippling. Is anyone even breathing?”

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10. ”Oh Roger, you brave soul. I knew someone would break.”

11. ”Shame you only know the ending in the film version. Awkward.”

12. ”Great, Now Jennifer’s off. Where does she find the time to read these books?”

13. ”I have such an irrational hatred of her. How dare she do what she’s meant to.”


14. ”Maybe I should be more like Jennifer.”

15. ”Oh God. I’m going to become an English teacher, aren’t I?”


16. ”Then I’ll have to give up wearing shoes.”

17. ”And brushing my hair.”

18. ”I’m pretty sure this one lives in a caravan.”

19. ”Why is she looking at me? Oh God, I’m sweating. Look down, write something.”

20. ”Why are all these critical essays by philosophers. I don’t study philosophy.”

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21. ”Oh goody, the feminist is off. Look at her go.”

22. ”And she’s got a Kindle. Does she not get what we’re trying to do here?”

23. ”Did someone say Post-modernism?’ Literally nobody knows what that means.”

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24. ”I’m going to nod along like I understand these enormous words.”

25. ”Oops. I appear to have started a communal nod.”

26. ”Stop it! How will she ever know I’m cleverer than you lot?”

27. ”Oh thank God. Sex.”


28. ”Whether it’s a fish in the sea or a bird in the sky, it’s undoubtedly a euphemism.”

29. ”Doesn’t really matter if it’s not, the teacher doesn’t know either. This is entirely subjective.”

30. ”Oh those dirty, dirty Victorians.”


31. ”Maybe I should just learn the topic of sex for my exam?”

32. ”Better go with gender too, just so I don’t get any surprises.”

33. ”I could probably write a book on it. I’d be bloody good at writing books.”


34. ”But there’s not a chance in hell I could reference it.”

35. ”Could anyone, anywhere reference my book? There are no rules!

36. ”If I knew how to work the library, maybe I could learn.”


37. ”I really need to do better at being a student.”

38. ”Oh good, it’s over.”