10 Times University Made You Want To Gone Girl Yourself
To ‘Gone Girl’ Oneself: meaning to fake your own murder, set your husband up for the fall and run away with a bunch of cash and live the life you always wanted.
Granted being a student means you don’t really have a lot of money, and there may not be any husbands to set up, but there will be times that university will make you genuinely consider faking your death.
1. Every time you had a lecture before 10am.
If you faked your death you wouldn’t HAVE to keep to a class schedule.
2. When you realise you haven’t done any of the reading for your class.
Better for people to think you’re dead than a useless layabout.
3. When it’s 3am and you’re still working on an assignment that’s due in the same day.
Possibly being murdered is totally grounds for extenuating circumstances, surely.
4. During exam season.
Because let’s be honest, you might even put MORE effort into faking your death than you would into revising.
5. Results day. Nobody can give you that disappointed look if you’re missing.
6. Every time you had group projects.
Nobody knows what they’re doing, you’ll likely pick up most of the slack just to prevent yourself from failing, there will be infighting, nit-picking and downright rudeness. Pretend the people in your group murdered you because you were too smart.
7. When you had to deliver a presentation.
They’re the devil and public speaking is the worst. Don’t have to do any presentations if you’re ‘dead’.
8. Any time you checked your bank account.
Chances are you would never have enough money to ‘Gone Girl’ yourself, but the dream of spending it on escaping your responsibilities is much more appealing than paying rent and such.
9. When doing your dissertation.
Any and all mentions will make you want to look up the best ways to disappear.
10. And when it comes to actually finishing university.
Finding a job, having the entire world asking “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE NOW?!?!”, trying to become a contributing member of society, or an actual functioning adult. The very prospect could turn you to seeing Amy Dunne as a role model.