10 Things University of Southampton Students Know To Be True, And 5 They Don’t
You’ve probably heard a lot of things about the University of Southampton, but let’s separate the fact from the fiction.
1. “I need a pair of Jesters shoes.”
As a Southampton student, you will inevitably spend a significant chunk of your time at the dingy basement club, Jesters, otherwise known as the worst nightclub in Britain (or Europe, depending on who you ask.) Unfortunately, this name tag comes at a price to the unsuspecting student – a massive pile up of liquid (alcohol and otherwise) makes having a pair of Jesters shoes essential.
2. “Let’s get another quad vod – they’re only two quid!”
Sobar Tuesdays. They’re abso lethal. You know you don’t have to pre if you’re going, but you do anyway, and end up buying five pints of vodka and fluorescent blue liquid. 3 hours of regret and confusion later, you’re in Chick-o-Land, arguing with those lads that just came out of Jesters about which is the better club.
3. “Chick-o-Land has five Michelin stars and totally won’t make you sick.”
It’s tradition that you will, at some point, head to Chick-o-Land after a Jesters Monday or a Sobar Tuesday. Hey, you might even go there after a couple of Gandalphs at The Hobbit. But if you’re looking for high-end cuisine, you’re in the wrong place. It’s guaranteed to make your hangover that little bit worse.
How on earth did I spend £15 in chick 'o' land last night
— Jack Webb (@jackwebbyyy) October 8, 2017
4. “Text-a-Toastie is always a good idea!”
Sounds like the greatest thing ever, right? Text a number and you receive a toastie, with a choice of fillings, completely free of charge! While the idea is great, how many of you are actually available for a toastie and a chat with the Christian Union on a Wednesday evening?
It’s Wednesday. You have a 3-hour lecture tomorrow at 9am. You’d love to wake up feeling fresh and prepared, ready to seize the day, but you hear that knock on the door. Turns out the guys and girls are going to Ocies tonight. You whack on your favourite shirt and shoes, pre-drink a tonne (drinks are too expensive in there!) and accept that you’re 100% not making it to your lecture tomorrow.
6. “Rats are so cute! Remember Ratatouille?”
No, they are not all highly ambitious young rodents dreaming of becoming a chef. If you’re not careful, they could end up eating a three-course meal straight outta your bin.
7. “I’m so glad I bought the Freshers’ Masterpass!”
Total. Waste. Of. Your. Money. While it seems a good idea to think ahead and ensure entry to a variety of nights during Freshers’ Week, you’ll find that you don’t even go to half of them and come home every night wishing you could have spent that money on 7 cheeseburgers and some chicken nuggets from Maccies.
8. “Scoops and Sprinkles are both exactly the same!”
Yes, they have slightly different dessert-themed names, but don’t be fooled. These two places are practically identical. Both have a huge range of nauseating yet extremely tempting sugary delights. You’ll chose to go there one time with your housemates, blissfully unaware of the extreme food coma it will put you in for the next 3 days.
9. “Did you forget to lock the back door?! Ah, that’s my laptop gone then.”
If you have the honour of living in one of Portswood’s infamous student roads, you will know of the horror stories that take place there. Well aware of the carelessness of a drunk student stumbling in at 3am, these thieves will even nick that Lynx set your mum got you for Christmas if you don’t think smart.
10. “We’re going to the Edge tonight!”
It might take at least a year for your mates to persuade you, but the Edge is a quality night out. Put on your dancing shoes, and prepare to have the best night of your life.
11. “The gym is the busiest place on Earth.”
Yes, the Jubilee Gym is cheap in the grand scheme of things. But is having to wait 4 hours to do 3 sets on the chest press really worth it? I mean, you’re going to drink all of your gains away at the pub later anyway.
12. “Why is there a random pair of knickers in my washing?”
Ah, the joys of communal washing machines and dryers. Not only do you end up whacking half of your student loans into these things, there is every chance that you will be left with the last person’s socks, pants, or even Speedos. Yikes.
13. “We love you, Connaught, we really do!”
You will inevitably be drawn into an insufferable chanting match between yourself and about 10 students who live at Connaught. And trust me, the rest of the bus, and the driver, will hate you.
14. “The grad ball doesn’t suck.”
Your three years in Southampton are up. You’re caught up in a cloud of emotional despair, looking back on the memories you have gathered and wondering what the hell to do next. Maybe the graduation ball can help you forget your worries? Well, maybe not. Unless, of course, you were a huge Girls Aloud fan back in the day.
15. “We hate Solent!”
BIGGEST FACT IN THE WORLD!
Southampton Solent University. 117th out of the 129 universities ranked in the University League Tables. Even if you think you are a completely open-minded and omnibenevolent guy, your peers will soon have you arguing with a Solent student in the smoking area of Switch about which university is better. And the correct answer is never Solent.