12 Struggles Every Unemployed Grad Faces When Creating a LinkedIn Profile
Anyone who grew up in this digital age of ours probably has a few regrets about things they’ve done on social media in the past. From writing third person statuses and using abbreviations like LOL and ROFL without irony, to going six hours without checking your Facebook account after a heavy night out and being blissfuly unaware that you’ve been tagged in 37 awful photos, including that one with a person you do not remember kissing.
But just when you think your days of social media mistakes are over, you decide to create a LinkedIn profile. As a graduate with an unimpressive employment history, this is something you may regret…
1. Seeing how successful your old friends are in the ‘people you may know’ section.
Once you’re on LinkedIn, it’s impossible to ignore the success of many of your former university friends. Meanwhile you can’t figure out what to do with your life and haven’t managed to get a job that is remotely relevant to your degree.
2. And then they try to connect with you.
Which doesn’t give you the same feeling as an invitation on Facebook to a heavy night out, making you wish that they would not ask you to connect until you have a) gotten a good job or they have b) lost theirs.
3. The guilt you feel when your happiness for someones else’s job is mixed with resentment because you still haven’t got one.
Kind of like when another friend bites the dust and gets into a relationship and you have to pretend you are glad they’re in love when really you’re more bitter about being the only single person left on the planet.
4. Despite all the statistics in the news, you can’t help but feel you’re the only unemployed person in the country.
Leaving you in a lose lose situation, because whilst comparing yourself to your successful friends on LinkedIn makes you feel bad, likening yourself to the other 50% of graduates stuck in non-graduate jobs makes you feel even worse.
5. The suggestion that describing your past experiences will help you stand out to employers.
As if companies will be any more interested in your old job as a glass collector when you add ‘collected glasses’ to its description.
6. The fact that clutching onto a glass of wine looking bog-eyed drunk is not a professional look.
Why does everyone else have such grown up photos?
7. Meaning you have to scroll through hundreds of Facebook photos until you find one boring enough to use..
8. When it notifies you that someone has viewed your profile.
And not only can you see who viewed your profile, you can also see when they viewed it, from what app they viewed it on, and from what industry they belong to. You can see this in graph form, percentage form, list form, and picture form, leaving you in no doubt who knows all about the desperate job situation you are currently in.
9. The fear that such stalking exposure might one day move to Facebook.
Leaving you wondering how on earth you will ever be able to find out what your ex was doing in October 2009 without them finding out and thinking you are crazy.
10. Having to list your areas of skills and expertise.
Where is the line between selling yourself and bragging, and where is the line between bragging and lying?
Can you say you have competent IT skills if you looked up how to use Excel on Wikepedia? The rules are so unclear.
11. The summary section.
All that sums you up right now is this.
12. And the fact that despite all this, you’re still actively on it and have no intention of deleting it, kind of how most people view Tinder.
But unlike Tinder, you do not delete LinkedIn because you know deep down it is actually a highly useful social media invention for finding jobs and for professional networking in 200 countries for more than 259 million people, and the only reason you’ve resented it so far is because of your minimal employment experience.
But you can rest easy knowing that when your day comes, LinkedIn will be there to let you plaster your career success all over the net.