Every Moment During a Night Out When You Should Probably Just Go Home
We’ve all been there. We’ve all gone a little bit too hard but not had the sense to go home. A bit too much boozing, not enough snoozing. All drink, not enough think. You get the picture.
Well, just so you know you’re definitely not alone, here’s a breakdown of every one of those moments we’ve been through on a night out when we should’ve just bowed out and gone home. Maybe now we’ll all know what to do next time…
1. Before you’ve even left when you keep saying you’re staying in tonight but somehow end up with a drink in your hand.
You know there’s no such thing as “just staying for pres.”
2. And then when you start applying your “vodka jacket” because it’s absolutely freezing outside.
How about just applying an actual jacket and going home?
3. When you start mixing your drinks because you “want something fruity.”
Should’ve started with something fruity then, shouldn’t you?
4. Every time someone suggests playing Ring of Fire.
You know that King cup is coming for you and then there’s no going back.
5. When the end destination involves getting an Uber, which you know you’re going to end up paying for.
You just really, really, really want to dance. You don’t need to eat this week, anyway.
6. Or when you arrive and get a little too friendly with the bouncer.
Not drunk. Not at all.
7. As soon as that first round of shots happens.
Just go. Get out. While you still can.
8. Whenever some sensible part of your brain reminds you that you have work to do for tomorrow.
You really should listen to that sensible part of your brain.
9. Before it’s your turn to buy another round.
Otherwise you can’t leave without it being unfair, right?
10. When the prospect of another round of shots starts to feel like a chore.
Again? Already? Pray for me.
11. And definitely when you’re not even sure what you’re drinking anymore.
OMG just leave.
12. Whenever you have to resort to a “tactical” chunder.
Come on now.
13. Or when you start your 7th Snapchat story of the night.
They’re getting longer and less easy to watch. Just go home ffs.
14. When you decide it’s time to bust out your best dance moves.
This is not a floor to be worming on.
15. Or that you want another club photo.
This will be online forever. Your kids will see this.
16. As soon as texting or calling your ex starts to feel like a really good idea.
It’s not. You should go home instead.
17. Or when you can no longer visit the toilets without having a small existential crisis while you’re there.
Just get out.
18. When everyone around you starts pairing off.
Grinding. Too much grinding. You don’t need to see this.
19. Or when you’re no longer sure whether you’re drinking the shots or just pouring them down yourself.
The exit is right there. Walk through it.
20. When thinking about food makes you cry.
“I love pizza so much, guys 😭”
21. And then when stopping at every takeaway you walk past seems more important than going home.
You need one takeaway. Not all of them.
22. When taking a traffic cone home with you becomes your greatest desire in life.
Leave it alone and take yourself home instead.
23. And finally, when you almost make it home but a friend suggests post-drinks instead.
You don’t need more drinks. You really don’t. Just. Go. Home.