21 Struggles of Being an Edinburgh Student Who Hates The Big Cheese
The Big Cheese stinks.
1. You dread the moment any of your friends suggest going to Potterrow.
2. You barely have time for predrinks before your friend* ushers you out of the flat so you can join The Queue.
*who shall henceforth be known as the “Die Hard Big Cheese Fan Friend.”
3. Die Hard Big Cheese Fan Friend promises you that you won’t have to wait for too long in The Queue.
They’re a filthy liar, and you know it.
4. You get there, and The Queue is so long that it practically reaches the Main Library.
5. You complain to Die Hard Big Cheese Fan Friend about the size of The Queue.
They claim it is “part of the experience.”
6. After a disgusting amount of time, you finally get inside.
And you remember how gross Potterrow is.
7. You realise you hate everyone in here, and you hate the fact that you’re here even more.
You wish you could go and sulk in the corner.
8. You hate this place more than anything, but you’ve waited long enough, so you decide you are just going to have to get very drunk.
And the only way to get through it is to drink a lot of VKs. Even though you hate them. And have no idea what the flavours are supposed to be.
9. You’ll probably see someone from a tutorial you had last semester and want to hide.
You never want to see them again for the rest of your life.
10. Some random first year will come up to you and think it’s perfectly acceptable to dance on you.
11. And said random first year just refuses to leave you alone.
Despite many unsubtle hints.
12. You just cannot understand why everyone goes mental whenever the DJ plays that song by B*Witched.
Blame it on the Die Hard Big Cheese Fan Friend.
13. Die Hard Big Cheese Fan Friend will try to drunkenly chat up that person they always see on 4th in the Main Library.
They’re coming across as a complete stalker but you don’t know what to do.
14. You meet that someone on your course who is still holding a grudge against you because you declined to work with them in a group.
So, of course, they have to come up and drunkenly insult you.
15. You run out of change for VK but a kind Big Cheese Enthusiast from one of your ALGs gives you some cash.
You quickly run to the bar because you have to stay drunk enough to endure this torture.
16. You might see someone you are going to have to sit next to in a tutorial in the Old Medical School on Monday.
17. Die Hard Big Cheese Fan Friend finally says you can leave.
This moment could not come soon enough. The hot guy turned out to be a bore.
18. You hit the 24-hour Scotmid on Nicholson Street on the way home.
Dear student loan, I love you so much. Sincerely, me xoxo
19. You’ll later leave Scotmid with all of your food purchases.
And you begin to forget the pain and suffering you were forced to endure at The Big Cheese.
20. You get home having eaten all the goodies in your shopping bag and fall into bed.
You can finally drift off to sleep, promising yourself that no one will ever make you go there again.
21. But you know very deep down that Die Hard Big Cheese Fan Friend will force you to relive the trauma all over again.