The 17 Stages of Finding Your First Ever Student House
The time to look for your own house has arrived – let the search begin!
1. You start with optimistic ideals of what your house will be like.
Obviously imagining a sprawling garden, a huge kitchen, airy bedrooms all for a reasonable price… Well, one can dream.
2. And decide you should have the potentially awkward chat with your current flatmates regarding who will or will not continue living with you.
Nobody wants to initiate that conversation.
3. Everyone will be asked if they would be happy having a single rather than a double bed.
4. You soon discover that student housing, like pretty much everything else in student life, is a lot more expensive than you thought it would be.
Why can’t the perfect house just be cheap?
5. It starts to feel like the options for student housing fall into two categories: decent and way out of your budget, or disgusting and well under it.
6. While you search, you meet loads of irritating and pushy estate agents.
They continually try to assure you that this is the best house but it won’t be around for much longer as everyone wants it. They’re lying.
7. You soon realise that you know absolutely nothing about house hunting, normal bill prices or anything else vaguely adult-related.
Cue desperate phone calls to your parents in the hope that they can explain everything.
8. You will probably see mould in every house you visit.
Estate agents usually try to assure you that it is “totally normal” to have mould in the bathroom, kitchen, and in the top left corner of the second bedroom.
9. You will find a house that seems perfect, until you discover the last bedroom is so tiny that the bed barely fits.
And everyone simultaneously texts “no” on the group chat.
10. Some student houses will have unimaginable messes with sticky floors, stains on bedroom walls and ceilings, and weird, lingering smells.
We don’t even want to know what happened here…
11. Finally, you think it’s going well with one house viewing until the landlord casually drops that there “used to be a mouse problem but it’s definitely gone now”.
Get out of there.
12. You start to feel jealous of all the people who keep smugly declaring that they already have their house contracts signed.
Whatever, their house is probably covered with mould anyway.
13. At some point, you find the house you want… only to have it snatched away by a more efficient group of students.
This is like the hunger games of house hunting.
14. As time passes, you wonder whether the freedom of having your own student house is actually worth the stress of finding one.
Maybe staying in halls would just be easier?
15. Reluctantly, you begin to lower your standards as you continue your seemingly neverending search.
Please, benevolent God of houses, grant us a nice place.
16. And then, right when you’ve given up hope, you stumble upon it – the house of your dreams (sort of).
It has good size bedrooms, a mould-free bathroom, and no mysterious stains on the walls. What more could you want?
17. You sign the contract, wince internally at the amount of money you’ll be spending in total, and then finally start the celebrations!
You’re already planning exactly how you’re going to decorate your new house and the massive housewarming party you’ll be throwing in honour of finding it.