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5 Things Not Do When Drunk at a Party And Your Friends Have Left

We’re here they said. We won’t leave your side, they said

1. Fall asleep.

Before facebook, vine, twitter and the others, this was acceptable and the people you were with, mutual friends or even strangers, would allow you to sleep peacefully – even kindly giving you a cover if you were lucky. Now it’s a minefield of disasters you can find yourself in, ranging from a picture of you in a situation you wouldn’t even want the guy who sits next to you in class seeing let alone your gran, to waking up shirtless in the grass covered in honey and wondering what that buzzing noise is.

2. Try to walk home.

Oh, so you live 20 minutes away. That’s alright then. If your idea of alright is A) swapping your coat for the homeless guy’s bracelet because you liked the way it sparkled, B) getting annoyed when you can’t find your own street and C) waking up on a bench with one shoe as you lost the other one. Just stay in next time, at least that way you won’t lose another coat.

3. Text an ex to pick you up.

When you’re drunk, don’t text your ex. No reason or excuse can make this acceptable. This is a universal rule, stick to it.

4. Try to make new friends.

Everyone becomes more sociable when they’re drunk, but making replacement friends? That’s a recipe for disaster, mixed in with sprinkles of regret.  “OMG, WE’RE TOTALLY BFFs” is a phrase you wouldn’t say sober, because once you say it, it sticks like glue. Have fun trying to find reasons why you ‘can’t hangout’ or ‘meet’, because using the excuse of being drunk and not meaning it isn’t nice. Even though you might not remember it, they do. And they won’t stop till you actually are bffs. Rings ‘n’ all.

5. Get a cab.

Cabs are the enemies of a drunken person. This is an environment where the rule of 3 resides – whatever the actual prices is, times it by 3. So if you lived a £10 journey away, you will be charged £30. In saying that, in the state you’re in, that requires you to avoid the previous 4 rules; you wouldn’t even know how to add up to 30, so money would be flying out of your pockets like you’re allergic to it in a bid to get home. The driver’s now scored easy money whilst you’ll be waking up in the morning wondering where the rest of your loan has disappeared to.

If you can’t fall asleep there, and you can’t get home, what are your options? Chug a pint of water like you would if it was alcohol and your crush was watching, and then make yourself coffees to keep your eyes open till it’s safe.

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