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12 Things Every University of Birmingham Student Has Said or Heard At Least Once

If you haven’t heard or said these things at least once, do you even go to UoB?

1. “Which uni do you go to? Actual Bham or one of the others?”

There are way too many universities in Birmingham. University of Birmingham, Aston University, Birmingham City University, and University College Birmingham, to name the biggest. Meeting anyone on a night out will always prompt this awkward exchange where you try to establish if hooking up is a good idea or not. There are some deep seated rivalries between these unis and nobody wants to hoof it back across the city the morning after.

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2. “Can you save me a seat in the library?”

I hope you like working from home, because unless you got there the night before and slept under the desk you can kiss your chances of a space goodbye. Library seats are a hot commodity that only the most dedicated students manage to lock down and we all know that person who wants someone else to secure the seats while they luxuriate in getting ready. This is less of a problem now the new library has opened, but we still remember the dark days when 90% of seats were taken by books and throwaway pieces of paper that denoted some selfish bastard would be spending the next 3 hours at lunch but still wanted that seat.

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3. “Don’t walk under Old Joe!”

For as long as UoB students can remember there has been a simple rule of conduct when on campus: don’t walk under Old Joe when he chimes. Rumour has it that if you walk under the clock tower mid-chime before you graduate, then you are doomed to fail. Not even the most sceptical of students dare to risk it, so when graduation comes everyone delights in running under it, clutching their degrees as if Old Joe might still snatch it away.

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4. “Anyone selling Fab tickets?”

Fab is the best student night out in Birmingham, don’t deny it. For UoB students, nothing is sweeter than getting drunk so close to home. The only problem is that tickets sell like hotcakes, meaning that spontaneous Fab plans are often shot in the foot by the impossibility of finding a ticket.

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5. “Selling Fab tickets, 2 for £30”

Where there is money to be made you will always find the greedy turning tricks for profit. Where some people buy tickets to go out, some others buy tickets in bulk to sell them on the day for 3 times the price. You can always find these delightful people on the Fab Facebook page taking advantage of desperate freshers.

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6. “Roosters?”

Ah Roosters, the pinnacle of drunken delight. The student area of Selly Oak has no shortage of greasy fast food options, but Roosters is the only one you would ever consider going to. I don’t know what they do with their chicken but few nights out end without a trip to Roosters.

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7. “Do you want to go see the Lions play?”

American football has never really taken off in the UK. At the University of Birmingham however, we have a team that actually draws a crowd. It’s the most entertaining student sport to go and see, replete with cheerleaders and packed stands. Chances are that you will definitely have seen, or will go to see the Birmingham Lions play at least once.

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8. “Mason wanker.”

Not only do we have rivalries with other universities, we even have rivalries between our halls. It’s all in good fun but you’d be lying if you didn’t internalise the rivalries just a little bit as you shout “Mason wanker” at the student collecting their Ocado delivery.

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9. “Accommodation is how much?!”

As well as being one of the most beautiful universities, UoB is also one of the most expensive to live at. Student accommodation prices tower above other universities and Selly Oak is chock a block with exploitative landlords hoping to turn a profit on students. This is common across the board, but I don’t know a single UoB student that didn’t balk at the prices.

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10. “Town?”

Being the only university with its own train station has its perks, mostly ease of travel, but also getting to tell people that we are the only university with a train station. Getting into the city is quick, cheap, and easy, so much so that students tend to spend a lot of time in the city enjoying everything Birmingham has to offer.

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11. “I actually really do love it here.”

UoB has one of the most impressive campuses in the country. Resplendent with red brick buildings crawling with ivy and the largest free standing clock tower in the world, just being on campus fills you with collegiate pride. You know those awkward promotional photos of student playing frisbee on campus? They didn’t need to stage them at UoB, students actually do that.

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12. “I never want to leave.”

Every student says they never want to leave at the end of uni but how many truly mean it? With its beautiful campus, vibrant city and a raft of happy memories, I feel confident in saying that when UoB students say they don’t want to leave, they mean it.

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