11 Ways You Become The Grinch When You Graduate
Christmas comes but once a year, yet seems to start appearing in shops before Halloween. Let’s face it, most of us are sick of the festive season before it’s even started.
As you get older, you may soon recognise your distaste towards the consumerism that surrounds Christmas, having had Advent Calendars and Santa-themed chocolates shoved down your throat since mid-October. However, don’t feel bad about your lack of Cringle spirit, because there is a big, green, hairy lump that shares your hatred to the festive season.
The Grinch had a ruddy good reason to steal Christmas, and here’s why:
1. Having to buy presents for people you don’t like.
Whether it’s an Office Secret Santa, or a Second Cousin you haven’t spoken to in six months, sometimes there are just people you don’t want to fork out for this time of year, especially when the central heating is your main priority.
2. Agreeing to plans to be polite.
“Oh, yes, a work’s do sounds great! I’d love to splash out on that 5 Star restaurant to have a meal with a bunch of people I don’t really know! I can only afford a starter, but that sounds wonderful! Oh… and there’s a dress code? Perfect! I’ll just get a Christmas Jumper instead of a starter, that’s fine.”
3. Christmas food tastes really weird.
If you hate cranberries, sweet and savoury combinations, wine-soaked anything, dried fruit or chocolate then you’re pretty screwed. There’s a reason meat eaters eat Pigs in Blankets thirty at a time – there isn’t much else that tastes nice.
4. Christmas can bring out the worst in people.
Black Friday showed us that people will actually punch each other in the face over a TV. Max the dog is obviously way better company than demented shoppers.
5. Everything is covered in glitter for absolutely no reason.
From food to fashion, you can’t escape the stuff. Forget comfort, your big glittery jumper will make you itch like mad, but everything else is unaffordable because attaching “Christmas” to the label comes with additional cost. Boo you, Christmas.
6. If you’re not in any way festive then people think you’re a weirdo.
They probably think you live in a cave. You probably should.
7. You hate it when people don’t ask and just buy you stuff because you don’t want them to waste their money.
Everyone thinks you’re incredibly picky, but really you know you’ll be saving them the cash and won’t have to sell/throw away/leave a gift in a drawer unused for the next five years. Stick to the list, people.
8. People unnecessarily dress up so it becomes abundantly clear when you haven’t made much of an effort.
It’s cold, sometimes people don’t want to shave/pluck/wax. Sometimes you just want to wear layers and be warm, and that means an extra layer of fuzz.
9. You will probably get too drunk at the work’s do and profess your love to your Office Crush.
Living at the dump doesn’t sound too bad, now, does it?
10. It doesn’t matter if you have a favourite Christmas song or not, because everyone will think you’re wrong anyway.
Some like the melancholic charm of The Pogues, others the camp joy of Elton John. No one remotely likes the patronising undertones of Band Aid 30, and this is the only agreement that has ever been had over a Christmas tune.
11. When the big day finally arrives, you realise how much you actually like Christmas.
Once you get together with family and friends and are just spending time together, acting out silly traditions and generally feeling merry, you realise that you may not be a Christmas-y person, but you love the ones around you.