14 Questions Chalet Hosts Are Tired of Hearing
A ski season can be challenging enough without your guests persistently asking you the same things over and over.
1. “What canapés are these?”
After going round the sofas, repeating yourself over and over again the lengthy, tongue-twisiting canapé names because they didn’t listen the first time, you begin to get rather agitated. You begin to wonder what their reaction would be if you responded with a sarcastic one-liner about their poor listening skills. Then you remember that you love your job very much and that your guests aren’t always children.
2. “Did you cook all of this?”
Yes. Yes we did. Shower me with lots of compliments to make the sweating, cuts, and tears worth it…
3. “Wait… You did this from scratch?”
As I previously said, it is true, we did cook this from scratch. What else do you think we’ve been doing in that kitchen? Next time you want to criticise or complain, remember that.
4. “Are you really good at skiing?”
Ummmm… An awkward question that not many people want to get asked. Do you play it modest? Do you be honest? This is normally a subject you want to skip over, but sometimes skipping over it means asking them the question instead and 9 times out of 10, they will tell you how they are a semi-professional skier that can do a thousand backflips in the snow park. Good for you…
5. “You only get one day off?!”
Why act so surprised? You will only complain if we had more because that’ll mean you not getting fed the most delicious, gourmet food for another day of your holiday. Worst thing is, you have to act like it’s not a problem, when really IT IS.
6. “Where do you live?”
In most cases, seasonnaires live in a grotty basement that probably hasn’t seen a duster in about 10 years. When people ask where you live, you tell them the truth without sounding like your complaining too much (which is so hard when you pretty much share your accommodation with mountain wildlife). Their reaction is normally shock or a fake smile.
7. “Did you go skiing today?”
WORST QUESTION EVER. You either didn’t go skiing because you’ve been stuck cleaning/cooking on transfer day, or you’ve simply been too damn tired/hungover to cope with extreme sports. It is another question where you have to ask them back through gritted teeth knowing what their answer will be: that they had the best ski day ever in fresh powder, blue skies and fresh mountainous air. Cue, fake smile…
8. “What did you do on your day off?”
If a fellow seasonnaire asks you this, you can tell them. If a guest on the other hand asks you this, you have to maybe edit your answer, avoiding to bring up the drunk skiing or endless sleeping because you want to show how much of a professional you are. There is also a slight relief that comes with this question because it implies that they didn’t see you on your day off, which they probably wouldn’t have forgotten (awkward guest encounters)…
9. “Is the wine unlimited?”
It’s true. It is, but please don’t ruin the chalet because you drank too much sauvignon.
10. “Can you please cook me this?”
Who do you think you are? When someone asks you to cook something that isn’t on todays menu, you begin to wonder if you should curtsey when you meet them. They must be really special to think you would cook another meal for them, let alone find the ingredients to cook it up in the mountains. Sorry, but no. The answer is always no.
11. “What cake is it?”
What is says on the little board NEXT to the cake? Or how about you try it and find out? Go on, its only cake.
12. “Where’s the rep?”
It is common ski season knowledge that reps like choosing whether to turn up to the chalet in the morning for a chat with the guests. They should, but apparently the bed wouldn’t let them go. Chalet host’s have to act like they have absolutely no idea where they are – might have got taken by yetis in a zombie apocalypse for all I know. *Avoid eye contact*
13. “What’s the weather going to be like today?”
Um… apparently predicting weather is another one of my superpowers?
14. “Have you been out here the whole time?”
Why act so shocked? Yes, I haven’t left, kind of the whole point…