Ranking Every Person You Live With In Halls From Best To Worst
You can’t choose who you live with in halls. But you can rank them based on loose stereotypes.
1. The one with a really strong, stand-out accent.
Everyone loves an accent – especially at uni. “Can you say this?”, “How do you say this word?”, “OMG wot r u even sayin lol!!” is all this ever person hears. If conversation fails, which it always does in the first few weeks, you can rely on the accent to bring people together.
2. The one who brings Mario Kart and a TV.
Door open; accessible, family-friendly video game on standby; this person is well keen to make friends and you are even more keen to give them what they want. Take this person with you into second year because by then they’ll probably have a PS4 too which means you can all fall out over a game of FIFA.
3. The one with a car.
It literally doesn’t matter what this person is like as an actual human, all that matters is they have a skill you need. Supermarket trips, days out – it’s all possible with this person living you.
4. The one who’s never really been on a night out before and goes absolutely mental at the first sign of freedom.
Innocent one day, lying in a pool of their own fluids the next. This person went HARD and now you have to work hard to keep them alive. Good fun but a huge liability.
5. The Facebook hun.
They added you before you even arrived and check you in to everywhere you go. “A few cheeky drinks with my new uni family xox” is their motto and tagging you in thousands of drunken photos of yourself is their one and only passion.
6. The one who steals everything when drunk and gets you a warning from the Halls Office.
Also very likely to get you barred from your favourite club for blatantly tearing down a poster in front of a bouncer. Play dumb, say you don’t know them, it’s the only way.
7. The non-drinker.
They’re in a hostile environment and it’s easy to call this person a bore. But at least they’re not coming in at 5am chanting “YOU ONLY FRESHER ONCE”. You’ll appreciate their sobriety when you make a show of yourself on Snapchat and vow to never drink again.
8. The one who is mad for drinking games.
Every. Single. Night. And they’re probably a lot better at them than you are. This person is the root of all your first year shame that will stick with you for the rest of time.
9. The one who labels their food and cupboard and even their fridge shelf.
May or may not have owned crocs in 2009, this person will teach you and your other flatmates everything you need to know about trust. Not actually a bad flatmate to have until someone takes something of theirs – which will 100% happen because alcohol.
10. The one who brings a cookbook but can’t cook for shit.
Building everyone’s hopes up from day one, you quickly learn they only have the cookbook in the first place because they are so useless. Like that one time they left the oven on for 18 hours or that time they tried to make toast and had the whole halls evacuated.
11. The one who invites their best friend from home in the first week.
Either extremely introverted or are just putting out a very strong message from the get-go that they Facebook stalked you and concluded that you’re not good enough for them.
12. The one who lives nearby and goes home every weekend.
They probably take their washing with them as well which you’re actually jealous of, but apart from that this person is a waste of a room. They become a commuter in second and third year and graduate saying “uni isn’t all that.”
13. The one who brings a guitar.
Say goodbye to your pre-drink playlist because here comes the guy with a guitar who nobody asked for. Probably really likes that new acoustic version of Dancing On My Own by Robyn.
14. The one who pays extra for a larger room.
And doesn’t even leave their door open for you to enjoy it. Selfish.
15. The flatmate who doesn’t bring anything and just uses everyone else’s stuff.
“Is it K if I use your fork?” “And your plate too?” “Oh, was that your pan?” “Soz, I think I broke your glass.” 🚮🚮🚮
16. The one who keeps everything in their room.
Literally everything. They even bought a mini fridge which is against the rules. This elusive flatmate becomes legend after a whole term goes by without anyone seeing them. Do they still live there? Are they still alive? Did we all just imagine them??
17. The heavy sleeper.
You’ll understand why this person is the worst when it’s your turn for a fire drill and they don’t get out of bed. Meaning you have to repeat it again and again until they fucking wake up.