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67 Lies Every University Student Has Told At Least Once

University teaches you one life skill: how to lie.

1. I’m not going to try and reinvent myself. Not one bit.



2. I’m not worried.

3. I’m going to buy all these books on the reading list. 

4. I can cook.

5. Freshers’ is fair game, but come next week I’m going to study so hard.

6. I’m not going to give in to peer pressure.

7. There is absolutely no way I am having any more shots tonight.

8. I am so happy with everyone I live with. We all just get on, y’know?

9. I’m not going to be just another student stereotype.

10. I am going to join so many societies you don’t even know.

11. Miss home? Not me. Never.


12. Obviously I’m not a virgin.



13. I’ll be fine.

14. I am fine.

15. I am so angry that I pay thousands of pounds for just 6 lectures a week.

16. I am going to attend every single one.

17. Okay, that is the LAST time I have a qaudvod.

18. I’m not going to let my washing pile up this much again.

19. That’s enough Netflix for now.

20. I’ll be more sociable next semester for sure.

21. I’ve learnt my lesson now. Next time my loan comes in it’ll last a lot longer.

22. Snakebites aren’t even that nice.


23. I’ve never had to call my parents to ask for help with the washing machine.

Jenna Marbles / via

Jenna Marbles / via

24. I’ve gotten used to the sound of people having sex. It doesn’t bother me any more.

25. I need to start answering questions in lectures. I’ll do that next time.

26. I can so get a first on this essay.

27. I can so get a 2:2 on this essay.

28. It’s okay, I can still pass the module.

29. My sleeping pattern is fine.

30. I’m not going to drink this week.

31. I’ve learnt so much at university.

32. My lecturers know who I am. 

33. I’m going to list at least 10 books in this bibliography. 


34. Of course I’m eating properly.


35. Yes, I read the required reading.

36. First year doesn’t count so it doesn’t matter.

37. I’m feeling confident about my next exam.

38. I’m going to be the driving force in this group project.

39. Our house is fine.

40. There isn’t that much mould.

41. I practically live in the library anyway. 

42. I can’t wait to read for fun again.

43. Another game of Ring of Fire? Can’t wait.

44. Second year is just as amazing as first year!


45. My parents would be so proud if they could see me.



46. At least I’m awesome at pub quizzes.

47. I’m so independent right now. 

48. I’m going to get a first this year. 

49. 9ams aren’t that bad. I can keep this up.

50. I don’t need to go to this lecture, I can just look it up on Blackboard.

51. It’s not obvious that I’m doing a walk of shame. I am totally pulling this off.

52. I totally hate the fact that we go to the same bars every weekend.

53. This time I’m actually going to read in Reading Week.

54. I’m also going to do something worthwhile in Summer. Maybe an internship or something. 

55. I can make £20 last the month.


56. No. More. Domino’s.



57. For my next essay I’m not going to use Google Books. 

58. Those aren’t my hairs in the shower.

59. I’ll go to see my tutor next week after I find out their office hours.

60. I’m not going to be that person who leaves their dissertation to the last minute.

61. I won’t go out next week because I need to revise properly. 

62. Yeah we’ll easily get our deposit back.

63. I’m definitely going to check out that career fair. 

64. I can cook loads of meals now. 

65. The Summer/May Ball will be a classy event, I’ll try and pace myself. 

66. I used my time at university well. 


67. I totally feel ready to graduate.



One thing that isn’t a lie: you really do miss it. 

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