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12 Important Things All 2014 Graduates Should Have Anticipated But Didn’t

Feeling on top of the world after graduating from university? Returned home full of hope and ambition? Optimistically applying for endless graduate schemes and internships? Think you’ve got your whole life planned out?

That’s all great, but what you really need is some practical advice about what the next year has in store for you. So, here are 12 tips that the careers service neglected to tell you about…

1. That first class degree won’t stop you from being unemployed, underpaid and/or unsatisfied.

The Daily Mail was right. Wow.

2. At times (all the time) you’ll wish that you’re still a student.

Pretending to pay attention in lectures is so much easier than trying to nap at your desk in work.

3. The service sector is your best friend.

For those times when funds are low and that graduate scheme won’t admit that you’re the best candidate ever, a call-centre/sales assistant/office assistant position is always available.

4. Finance apps, to-do lists and budgeting spreadsheets will rule your life.

Remember the good old days of regular student loan payments? It was great wasn’t it? Yeah well forget all of that, because you now have to become an accountancy mastermind and manage all of your finances. Fun times.

5. Best friends forever doesn’t work in the real world.

You’ll soon resent the sound of your phone ringing and incoming texts from your ride or die when you’re trying to pretend that you’re a proper adult. You have stuff to do.

6. Your biggest splurge will now be in Sainsbury’s.

Less money + no student discount codes = indulging in Taste The Difference ready meals (obviously only when they’re on offer).

7. You’ll start to feel really stupid really quickly.

Us grads usually have an ego the size of Jeremy Kyle’s mouth, but when you’re no longer debating the particulars of some intricate piece of legislation you’ll start to feel pretty dumb.

8. Any excuse to read/write something unnecessarily analytical is good enough.

This will help with the intellectual crisis you’re suffering from the last point.

9. Getting wasted doesn’t have the same appeal in your twenties.

Ignore the media coverage of binge drinking, because it’s unlikely that you’ll be having this much fun on a Friday night. Don’t worry though – box set marathons and a carton of ice cream are just as good.

10. The workplace is like a dating website without the embarrassing profiles.

Don’t be alarmed by your colleagues’ inappropriate antics. Spending 8 hours a day with the same people is bound to result in some interesting extra-curricular activities.

11. Networking is a real thing.

LinkedIn is more than just the boring version of Twitter/Facebook/Instagram etc. Use it properly and you might just find some exciting opportunities.

12.  You’ll soon come to resent/feel sorry for 2015 graduates.

More competition, fewer opportunities and an overwhelming sense of deja vu will consume your thoughts. It’s all very emotional!

Oh god. Anyone for a drink?

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