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14 Fictional Drinks You’ll Really Wish Were Real

The characters in books, films, TV shows and even games seem to have the real world beat with regards to their drinks cabinets. Perhaps the pixels add a little something to mixture, who knows?

Here are just a few of the drinks that we all wish weren’t fictional:

1. Butterbeer, Harry Potter

This delicious treat has already transcended the line between fiction and reality, but in a far inferior, non-alcoholic form. Let’s stick to what it promises in the film – butter and beer- because they are both glorious.

2. Manhattan Dynamite, The Moomins

A former troubled youth, MoominPappa certainly had some skeletons in his closet. The most exciting of these was his penchant for bootlegging – that’s right, the loveable family man illegally distilled his own alcohol in a throwback to the prohibition. Legend.

3. Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, The Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, this wicked blend is described to feel like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. And I mean seriously, who wouldn’t want that?

4. Victory Gin, Nineteen Eighty-Four

In the tyrannical world of Airstrip One, even the booze is controlled by the government. Thick, oily and reminiscent of medicine, Winston chokes it down in favour of a good time. Sounds like a Friday night to me.

5. Bloodwine, Star Trek

The most famous beverage among the Klingons, Bloodwine is drunk in enormous quantities to celebrate victorious battles, and battles are pretty cool. Also, it’s incredibly potent, so treat it with respect. The awkward moment when you survive a battle and then accidentally kill yourself at the after party.

6. Binge Beer, NASULG

Binge Beer invaded our television screens as part of an anti-drinking campaign, but obviously it didn’t work because we all still like drinking. If you put the word ‘binge’ in the same sentence as the word ‘beer’, you’re not going to deter a nation, you’re going to encourage them – not that we needed the help.

7. The Flaming Moe, The Simpsons

Invented by Homer and endorsed by Moe, the flaming cocktail consists of several different spirits, all mixed with children’s cough syrup, and then set on fire. As if it didn’t sound good already, fire just makes everything better.

8. Schraderbräu, Breaking Bad

This is pretty much just beer, but it’s also a lot better because Hank Schrader makes it. He brews it whilst pondering life, so we know it makes for some pretty great life choices.

9. Pißwasser, Grand Theft Auto IV

Literally translated as ‘piss water’, Pißwasser is a German slang term for watery beer. It’s advertised in the game with obvious satirical intent: “Cheap German lager for export only!”, which makes it all the more glorious, because the Germans never find anything funny.

10. Ent Draught, Lord of the Rings

More a potion than a drink, Ent Draught has magical properties that include healing and hair growth. It’s certainly got real booze beat, all we get is a hangover.

11. Duff Beer, The Simpsons

Undoubtedly the most infamous beer to never exist, Duff Beer gave us a thirst for hops long before it we were legal. Speaking of legal, Duff has made it’s way on to our real-world markets, but completely independently of The Simpsons which resulted in a number of court cases, so that’s bad. Not that they’ve got much to worry about, no loyal fan would touch the stuff unless it was served by an enormous blonde man in light-blue lycra.

12. Alaskan Polar Bear Heater, The Nutty Professor

Made by a man named Buddy Love at a bar called The Purple Pit. I’m sold.

‘2 shots of vodka, a little rum, some bitters, a smidgen of vinegar, a shot of vermouth, a shot of gin, a little brandy, lemon peel, orange peel, a cherry, some more scotch… Now, mix it nice.’

13. Fizzy Lifting Drink, Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory

This isn’t alcoholic, but it can make you fly, so I’m sure we can forgive it. Fizzy Lifting Drink does exactly what it says on the tin – it’s fizzy, and the more you drink the higher you’ll float. What you might not remember, however, is that you have to burp your way back down again. Classic gag from Roald Dahl.

14. Moloko Plus, A Clockwork Orange

The Moloko Plus, otherwise known as the Knifey Moloko, has only one specific ingredient – milk, and one non-specific – drugs. In the book, suggestions for the latter include opiate and other hallucinogenic substances, and should you have any minors knocking around, a virgin version is also available, made instead with drugs that have not yet been declared illegal.

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