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22 Ways To Avoid Doing Work When You’re At Work

The working day is as long as it is boring, because there’s nobody to play with out in the real world. Here are some simple steps for self-preservation that’ll stop you going insane at your desk.

1. Get the coffees in. For everyone. All the time.

2. Always do the washing up, especially after lunch.

3. See how long it takes you to spin a full circle in your chair without attracting attention.

4. Update the office on everything that happens to you via group e-mail.

5. Offer to check for post at least 4 times a day.

6. Practice your signature.

7. Suss out where the toilet furthest from your desk is located.

8. Then never stop drinking so you have to visit it twice an hour.

9. Take up Origami.

10. Update you LinkedIn twice daily.

11. Make best friends with the Daily Mail gossip column.

12. Fake a childhood injury that necessitates hourly bouts of stretching. 

13. Organise your desk with absolute precision.

14. Then ‘drop a mug’ so you have to do it again.

15. Invest in both a stapler and un-stapler: Staple. Remove. Repeat. 

16. Always burn your toast so you have to make another.

17. Fake Doctors appointments wherever possible. 

18. Offer to clean the microwave once a week. People will assume it’s necessary. 

19. Strike up conversation with anyone who will listen.

20. Buy office snacks and take your time delivering them to each desk.

21. Stick your nose in everyone else’s business. 

22. Google what you’re having for dinner every night for the next year.

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