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24 Responses To The Questions All Graduates are Tired of Hearing

Dear adult world, we appreciate that you’re far superior to us mere graduates, but please stop patronising us. We’ve heard it all before. Besides, one day you’ll get a graduate that bites back.

1. ”Those were your best years. Its all downhill from here.”

Talk me through how you ever thought that was a helpful thing to say.”

2. ”I bet you wish you could go back, don’t you?”

”Not really, no.”

3. ”But you’re free! I bet you’re having so much fun.”

”Oh yeah? And with what money would I be having all that fun exactly?”

4. ”Shall we go and celebrate your degree?”

”No thanks, I’ve been doing that for the last two months. You’re so very late to this party.”

5. ”Ergh, you’re so lucky to not have any responsibilities.”

”I was fully aware of my pointlessness, but thank you so much for bringing it up.”

6. ”People your age…”

”Finish that sentence and you’re getting a smack.”

7. ”How’s the job search going?”

”It’s not, but I remain optimistic.”

8. ”Oh, you did a BA? So you want to be a teacher?

”Nobody has ever wanted to be a teacher.”

9. ”And how does your degree fit into that?”

”It doesn’t, but I can’t be bothered to explain to you why that hasn’t mattered since the Victorian era.”

10. ”Have you ever considered a Master’s Degree?”

”Of course I have, I don’t live down a well.”

11. ”Getting a job is just impossible these days.”

”Yeah, I’ve noticed. Thanks for your input.”

12. ”There’s no future in that.”

”Well there was when I started university. It’s not my fault I’m being replaced by computers.’

13. ”Where are you living?”

”Please don’t make me answer that.”

14. ”Aww, you live with your parents?”

”Yes. I get fed for free and my Mum does my laundry. It was a pretty great life choice.”

15. ”I know you’ve probably been asked this 100 times, but…”

”You’re starting to find your own questions boring. That doesn’t bode well for me, does it?”

16. ”Are you single?”

”Yep, I’m poor and alone. Laugh it up.”

17. ”Have you tried online dating?”

”No, I’m not 90.”

18. ”My daughter has this friend…”

”I really don’t require your pimping services, but thank you.”

19. ”You should think about a pension plan.”

”If I was that worried about it, I wouldn’t be wasting time with you.”

20. ”Hi, this is Claire from the Alumni Community Office. Do you have a moment to discuss a donation?”

”No, I have no money and no moments for you. Good day, Claire.”

21. ”Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?”

”Literally anywhere but here.”

22. ”Work is overrated. Travel with me?”

”That’s what a Gap Year was for. Grow up already.”

23. ”Will you share my Facebook posts?”

”Absolutely not, I removed you as a friend before you finished asking.”

24. ”Can I crash at yours until I find a place?”

”You’re asking if you can move in, so at least offer to pay me rent.”

Stay strong.



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